Under the moonlit clouds of an endless starry night

So your life flicks away as if it is a dream, eh?

Well, you're not the only one. Believe me. And I am not talking about daydreams. No siree. I am talking about your wild, emotional roller-coaster, antognizing, flip winding, cola needing afterwards, sort of a dreams. If there is such a long name for them that exists.

I have dreamt many dreams. Some of them which have scared the hell out of me and really frightened me that I forget them the moment I wake up. Yet I still feel scared about something. And my heart is playing the 'Thong Song'. And I look around in the dark and I am thinking is it still a dream or am I awake. But just to be sure, and don't laugh, I close my eyes to re-assure myself that it was all nothing and I end up sleeping comfortably again.

In the morning I wake up and I think to myself: man that was some bad ass food I had last night.

There are other times when I wish I would never wake up at all. I'm not talking about sex-related pornogrpahic dreams, but rather romantic ones, ones with so much loving emotion it feels so.. real.

The last time this had happened to me, was today. I woke up and I wish I hadn't because I wanted to hold on that thought, that feeling, that ...God, there must be a name for it. I woke up from a dream feeling that I am lost in touch with something in my life. Instead of feeling good, I felt bad. I knew I was losing out on something by my dreams had to be rubbing it in. And its not my fault really. I try, and I try, and I don't get there. People of whom I know tell me to get married or to find my girl or offer to help me out by saying 'point her out to me and we'll do the rest'. Its a nice gesture and all, but you know, in reality you're held by the realism of your situation - my situation.

I have a sickness. And I if I don't shake it, then I am not able to get a job. If I am unable to find a suitable job, I will never be able to find the woman of my dreams or even marry her had I found her. And in the end of it all - I would end up to grow up to become 60 with false teeth, a bad back, choking on my rice beans and lemonade and hitting my cane on some kids who think that hitting on my house window shield is a nice morning prank at 6am.

I'm dramaticizing.

But let's hope things gets better.

Maybe one day I'll find her and things would take a turn to the best. Who knows, huh?

Sweet dreams.