Push Up or Shut Up

She'd walk in
Look at me
And smile

Her smile
Would wake my heart
From the gloom I live in, into the light

Pitty she doesn't want me
She doesn't think of me

I keep telling myself that there's no way
For this to end in happiness in any case

So why do I drag myself in even more?
Why do I find it so hard to understand the truth that's going on?

And when she leaves
I wait until the next day
Perhaps we will meet
Perhaps we will have something else to share

And all I ever want her to be
Is just to see her in the way she always is; so happy
Smiling freely
Like she always is whenever I see her on any day

Wishful thinking of the heart
Not having the courage to say this to her face, is the saddest part

------
one song comes to mind: Just An Illusion by Imagination

The Nine Lives Theory..

A man gets sick gets better and is given a new life. Giving him a new chance to redeem his mistakes in his past life. Thus, the nine lives theory.

Why is it called so? Its based on the cat's myth that it survives deaths only to be resurrected to enjoy a new life of sardines and rats. True, that human beings don't share the common eating habits or the luxury to be resurrected so many times in one lifetime, but nonetheless, this one theory I have come up with (no signatures, please) is one of great value.

Not just physically expanding, but mentally invogarating. Seriously speaking.

Imagine.

You're lying there in bed. Sick and tired of the world. And how your mind sickens of why everything for you is going wrong. And just at that moment someone comes into your life to turn it all round. And you suddenly have a sense of gratitude for The One who has given you this gift of life. Although, your time is not surrounded by that texture or concept, it is, though, just one of the ways you can imagine yourself in and I, for one, speak out of experience, that it can happen.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

If yesterday is today, then what it is tomorrow?

Yes, I do feel a little sick. But I don't care.

I can't bare the thought of going back to the hospital for a check up (which I have on Sunday) that'll include a stay over possibly. I mean, seriously, their beds are really small.

And I wanted to do so many things in Ramadhan; but everytime I want to do it I either forget about it during the course of day or just postpone it to another time saying if it's not of a critical issue then it can surely wait.

So I need to get off my lazy butt and go to OmanTel to pay off my bill before they find another reason to cut me off the connection (they could do that, but I wouldn't care less). Plus I want to take advantage of the ADSL Ramadhan offer as soon as possible. But I have heard that they still take more than 2 weeks to get you sorted out, if that's the case, then why cram up so many people for the sour offer? I mean, we already know OmanTel is the worst service provider in the country, if not the world, so what else is it trying to prove?

And I seriously need to look into two more issues; work out & part time job. I can talk so much about them as if they were my long lost friends, but if I don't do something about it I am gonna end up actually liking the situation I have myself in - 'looking for a job'.

And for once, you can all be proud of me, he he, I didn't go to Starbucks. In fact, I was invited to a pre-birthday party of someone I have known for a few days and I have to say it was nice. Really. I saw some people I knew that I hadn't seen in a long time, plus I got to meet some new people, kinda like expanding the circle if you know what I mean. We promised each other that we'd probably get together after or during Eid holidays to have some sort of get together.

And not to make it all sound so badly at this end of the post; but I don't know what it is about me, but even though I love the winter season here in Oman (it's my favorite season, actually) but it gets me really thinking; real gloom-like nature; sometimes depressed. Does anyone have answer to that?

Allahuma anni kunt anwi el 9yam..

Someone Like You

The person inside me
Is in divide
Over what to decide
Live or let die

Passion or lust
The truth is a must
From winds to gust
I would still feel your touch

And when all is down
My only thought when I drown
Is how I could have spent my time with someone like you

No Matter What

I saw this woman who reminded me of you

But..

She didn't have your smile
She didn't have your eyes
She didn't have your sweet laugh
She couldn't comfort me the way you do

I am torn apart
By my heart
By what I should do
In order to get my life back

But everytime I try to think
Of someway to just make things better
My mind just brings
Me to the image of you

Tell me I am mad
Tell me I am crazy
Say what you want
But no matter, it's you who I think of, every part of the day

------------
update: I was really tired for those two days that I hardly left the house. But now I am a bit better. So thank you for your concern, people..

Throbbing with confusion..

What the Hell is going on with my life?

Its taking sort of an uphill stride all of a sudden.. in all measures

People I know... are disgraced by me

Places I go to are no longer the same

I'm just crumbling apart ..

I need to be alone

I'll take some time off blogging if you all don't mind..

'til then

'leave me alone'

these last two days have not been quite myself these past two days..

from having no appetite. no mood. and what with the 'bloody' incidents..

not like having no appetite but like not wanting to eat....but when i do eat i eat plenty

i'm having one of those 'leave me alone' phases again.. whereby i just don't get along with anyone...not even my friends

and that blood thing isn't really helping either even though i have an apppointment this sunday to see the doctor..

oh well - can't have everything you want in life, huh?

Bloomingdale's

I think I saw you smile today
I think I saw you glance my way
I think I saw you laugh, and gleeming away
Rosy cheeks, dimples, sway

And all this I was in my room
Thinking of only one thing; only you
Thinking how you listen to me when I babble away my gloom
Everytime I talk to you I feel as if I am about to swoon

Red rose for rosy cheeks
The smile that's on your face, the light that twinkles off your eyes
Mysterious as you are
The hope you hold in your heart
Shines off on me

the 2nd article

my 2nd article appears in the theweek this week, which you can get ahold of on Tuesday afternoon/night or on Wednesday, depending on where you get it from.

i hope you all like it this time, too. as it's an issue that's close to everyone's heart here in the Sultanate of Oman..

let me also know what constructive cristicism you may have on it..

How ironic

How ironic it is that the USA, the world's super power is helpless against natural disasters such as Hurrican Cathrina but is still going on with it's military occupation of Iraq?

How ironic is it that the USA, who is in desperate need of funds to help the victims of the natural calamaties that hit it yet still finds itself through director and actor Clint Eastwood to pump 100 million US Dollars to fund his next future 'Oscar-wannabe-movie'..

How ironic is that?

I could go on and on with the list..

the black & white cat

Someone came up to me and asked
What's the story with the black and white cat?
I told them if I did tell them, they would never understand
Nonetheless, they wanted to hear the tale from first to last

So I told them that this cat was lost
How I took it in from the winter gust
Fed it, put a home over it's head, and showed it love
They were gazing upon me, 'you would do such a thing to an animal that was lost?'

The black and white cat purred
Its skin was of black and white fur
Black witchcraft eyes, inside, beauty would surge

Pat, pat, hands would come down on it's head
Wouldn't like it, except from it's 'master', the one who took it in
Tale to be told, this was the tale of the white and black cat

A happy fortunate accident

I have a great nack with wires and techno stuff..lol

Sometimes I amaze myself..and I am not bragging about it.

Before I had gone off to Malaysia I had my room repainted and recarpeted with wooden tiles plus new curtains. It looks seriously relaxing (write that down! he he he).

So, anyway, getting more to the point of this post, we obviously had to move the furniture out of the room to allow the people to work and install the things properly. So, naturally, the wires for my TV, DVD player, PS2 and Game Cube all got mixed up in a jumble not to mention the antenna for the digital reciever.

So what did clever little me (little - did you hear that? - little! ha ha ha boy do I crack myself up or what?) do? I figured out which one's which - without an instruction booklet - and managed to get everything back into their rightful 'hole'.

This isn't the first time it's happened. Everytime a member of the family has a problem with their mobile phone or a certain question or concern about technical stuff - they come to me. They don't call me techno-freak for nothing, know. Just kidding about that last phrase. They don't actually.

I wish I knew more. But I tried out my luck when I started going to University before my College here in Oman. I tried to take up computer science. Unfortunately for me, not only was I homesick, but I was also being taught the course in the English language while our exams, essays, and study books were all in the Arabic language. Imagine the confusion. So I head back here to Oman and started all over.

I wouldn't I regret that that had happened to me. Actually, I would call it a happy fortunate accident that put me on sort of the right track.

After all; look where I am today..

'Screwed'

Tomorrow I have a dentist appointment...And it's not one of those lonnnnnnnngggg sieastas, alright?

This dentist would be so proud when he's done with me he'll probably retire from the profession because of the headache that I am about to provide him with - he he he

The only image conjured up in my mind right is the one of people drilling along a paved road and they're digging in like real real deep.. ouch!

Then - for all your enjoyment and pleasure of those who were concerned with my health - I have an appointment on this Sunday (no, not today) both with the doctor and a CT scan. And I get to taste that delicious, scrumpcious, beautiful and most tastey absolutlely loveable artificial milk substance (notice the sarcasim, yet?) that would be given to me to swallow prior to the CT scan for that day..

I had a faint spell today but I think that was because I had too many sweets (ie: Kunafa) the moment I woke up along with a huge glass of orange juice.. But I am fine, now.

In between, I am still trying to look for a part-time job or something that I could busy myself with. Hopefully, I would be able to find one, inshallah.
____________________

update: my column will be published this week in the theweek

Here I Am

Here I am
Underneath my desk
Hiding away from the world

Tempted by the world
Tempted by my lost soul
Tempted of losing you on the way

I cry
I whimper
I hold my heart in
With pain

The red rose
On the window petal
Has been
Flung away

Would you find me?
Would you try to see the person that I am in this life?

I hold my heart in
With pain
Moon shines
I cry my night away

inspired by the movie: Love Don't Cost A Thing

How much is that puppy in the window?

How sad does someone have to be to get another's attention? Or is it plainly that you're just not wanted in their presence?

Simply put:

people are keen on those who are not
there are those who forget and those whom cannot
the drive of the soul, the integral hole, the entire 'nut'
wish I had what I always wished for, but for it to be this; I do not

Somehow, Somewhere

There's a saying in the Arab world that goes by;

If you don't have anything nice to say, then just don't say it.

Until then..

I Still Say

Just as you thought that I had gone and vanished
I appear in your thoughts
Nothing to linger on in the present
The future, without you, is deminished

I lie awake in my sleep
I lie there, a body, just to breath
A smile from you
I would die for you
Your happiness is to my please

I'll still be here even when I am gone
I'll still love you, on and on
My heart would still beat for you
My soul would still yearn for you
What we have, will always be young

The red rose on your window petal
My heart pleads for you
My passion is true not a lie
And I still say, you're an Angel, in my eyes

48 hours later..

I hadn't posted yesterday because I was having a very bad day and today even in the morning. It started out with a big migrane that kept going on and off. Dunno why. And then later on in the evening it came back with my forhead bleeding again. Then that vanished around 4am in the morning as I went to sleep. I woke up today and was feeling pretty ok, and since I am not fasting because of my doctor's advice; I started to have my breakfast. After that, all of a sudden, the headache began again, and then I began to feel light-headed, too. I even barely got back upstairs to my room, and threw myself on the bed. Woke up at 6pm, and that was that.

Phew. Thank God that was over.

I've been thinking of applying for an ADSL connection, they say during this promotion - you get everything for free except the bill (too bad - he he he).

Plus I have been asking around for part time jobs, too. Heard of position, but it's physically demanding, something which my doctor doesn't want me to do, unfortunately. (I'm not a cissy - I'm more of a rebel)

Apart from that, I watched the movie Land of the Dead on DVD maybe two days ago, and it was pretty gruesome and that was cool. Someone told me that it's part of a series. If that's the case, then I am getting the full collection.

...Time stops for no one...

Bugger

Someone doesn't want me to leave town. And its been made obvious by so many situations. Some of which are too personal to detail them here and others which are so damn funny.

So basically I have not gone to Sohar nor will I go until further notice. And you'll be the first to know - believe me.

Too bad, I was actually looking forward to it.

But I had taken some quick changes into hand yesterday night to get the ball rolling. And I should be on my way to being busy again... phew.

Plus - the Ministry of Information has finally approved my book (took their own sweet time too!). So now it will be with the printers to be done and over with.

I have from here until April, 2006 to busy myself with something part-time or voluntary. Shouldn't be too hard. By April, I'll definitely be registered into that MBA program.

Good luck to all us

Just before the journey

So what is love, then?

I wish I knew. I do know it has partially something to do with how a person looks inside out. Whether they wish to be loved or just want to get laid. I also know that love deals with everything with such compassion that even if you don't feel the other person hugging you away, then you feel it from a distance just by talking to you. Their smile withers away the frustration from your brain cells. Headaches and all. Not exactly the romantic thing to say, but it's the truth.

Life is unfair - get over it

Love is never attracted at a scrub trying to imitate life's moments by making it look that he is busy. Life's chances are always out there. We have fly to them. Soar. Grow our own wings, until, one day, we reach the stars, the skies, and hopefully; Heaven.

It's fun to get messed up

Because you can always laugh about it later on. Trying to laugh on it means that you're letting go of the negative feeling. Trying to deal with the 'situation'.

Deal as you are dealt

Even though it's rough. When you have time to be better than the other person by 'giving the cheek'; do so. Otherwise, a piece of the mind is on the menu.

In the end..

My heart is a red rose on your window petal
Finding a life without you is a lost case
Only God knows how much I adore you
Forgive me; this is how my heart - without you - breaks