the controversy of poverty

While rich people sit on their bums with their pockets full of cash they never earned one bit as much as the people who floor the streets of this ever torching tempreture of an Earth, the human race gets to the fact that the promise the UN had made along with it's mutlibillion dollar 'citizens' of making poverty history is now at the point of reality.

That was all a smokescreen.

Big companies have no intention of making this world a better place than they are interested in making the big bucks for their set of revolving wheels.

It bitters me to say
That the wonders of today
Are not what they used to be
And how we expect them to be

The joy of may
The spring in summer
The laughs we always hear
Will roll away and linger

Rest they might
I will not
Will you join me?
For the mission is over - not

snip snip

Let's be completely frank here.

The censorship board here in Oman really is a bunch of people who have nothing else better to do than to squabble about petty 'indecent' scenes they see over again in movies, foreign magazines and other international media.

Why, I'll bet you my salary that they probably take everything they snip off and put them together to make their first 'original' porno just for the fun of it. See how that one goes, huh?

The reason I am ranting away here, is that the movie censorship board has done it again with another movie that was supposed to be release - in a simulataneous worldwide locations - here in Oman.

The first did it with The Passion of The Christ and now it's with The Da Vinci Code. I mean, for heaven's sake, the first is of more sensitivity than the latter - that's point 1. Second point is that this is the 4th time this movie gets it's screening date postponed, first it was scheduled during the early month of May, then it was postponed to the 24th May then to the 31st of May and now it's being postponed to the 21st July, 2006.

I mean seriously, how long does it take to censor a movie, watch; snip, give back - it's that easy.

My own humble opinion says that because the censorship board follows the tactics of a Ministrial hirarchy then everyone's supposed to watch it before the whole nation can ever start to dream about such a thing. And to think what they are doing with all those indecent scenes - urgggggghh. Don't even get me started, I mean it.

Bottom line: take swifter action you lazy folk out there.

common sense

your life is yours always and will always be but unless you are there to seize the day then you are bound to go nowhere at all and fast. the fact of life is that there will always be challenges to face no matter how slow or fast things seem to be going in due course of time. and in the end the reality of the situation will slap you in the face with this; that nothing will ever become unless you become that factor which changes yourself.

sure this sounds a bit akward. and a bit too philosophical but there will always be things in your life that you may never understand unless you stand up and question yourself the big 'why?' - right?

i am not saying that there will never be a time to go around and have fun. but take it this way; if your life is going topsey turvey, and you're in a mud puddle that you think you can never get out of without someone's help, what would you do? would you stand there and wait for someone to help you out or would you think of some sort of solution that would help you out of it?

there's a saying they say somewhere on this vast planet and it goes like this; 'give me a fish and i will eat a day, teach me how to fish and i will be able to fish for a lifetime'.

do i not make sense here?

the National Association of Cancer Awareness in Oman

There has been a recent announcement here in the Sultanate of Oman about the newly established National Association of Cancer Awareness.

This association deals with representing the community's cancer patients, their needs, and their health welfare. The Association deals also in helping those pateints get more healthcare, cheaper medicine and developed drugs that would help prevent their scares coming to surface.

Although the announcement had been made in the local media, there hasn't quite yet been a follow up advertising campaign or press release as to how to join up the association in terms of volunteering or working for it for the main purpose of raising awareness to the Cancer apademic.

This writer, however, had gone on to question the local hospitals for any information related to the association and found out the only clue to it's whereabouts was in the Ghala area in the Muscat capital area.

The cancer patients have made their call crystal clear - will you answer them?

irrevertable human nature

the irrevertable nature of a human being is one that is considered one of mankind's most complicated behavioral patterns. one of which has baffled scientists for as they have lived probably.

yet the cure has always been right under our noses.

we refer to misbahavior as an abnomal act of nature of mankind and we come to ask ourselves the questions that lie behind such an odd action behind a human that has distinct reputation of respect, pure colorful personality and other miniscule yet fundamental characteristics. we ask ourselves, why or who or what or when or where this all happened in that glimpse of a moment. weakening our very defence systems that looks on to see what lies ahead in matters of consequence, obstacles and last but not the least; the solution to the problematic situation.

if we can just look beyond on all this questions and focus our attention to what needs to be done to over the consequence of such an action, therein would lie our very victory.

the past is past
the future is our past's present
all moments will last
when we reach our future's present

dream as you want
for there is always another day
live for tomorrow
but work for today

finally!

The song that me and Neil had been working on for a charitable cause has finally reached it's dead end path - in a positive way, that is.

The song's artwork, words, and anything else related have been over and done with, too.

And you'll be happy to know that it would be available by the end of this month (i.e.: May, 2006). All proceeds will go towards local charitable organizations as the UNICEF didn't want any part of it because we weren't a big corporation but a small group of individuals who were out to make a small different in a big, big world.

Please buy as many as you can to help the needy in Oman.

Thank you for your contributions..

everyday is a new challenge

the first few weeks of my new job were an easy breeze because i was still new to my new workplace and i always thought that this was normal and i had this idea in my head that this was not the way the work would be for so long that i was still in the eye of the storm and one day i would feel the superdome off of me..

and i was right...

so now i work a job that deals in being there from 8 in the morning to 7 in the evening for every single day except for thursdays that are a half day and fridays that are an official holiday

i remembered Muscati's blog about having equality in the terms of holidays between the private and government sector and i so feel for it now...it is SO demanding..i swear

the kind of job i deal with has a policy of throwing me in the deep end and asking me to swim whether i know how to or not

but i am glad because its a job that i do very greatly and i am happy with it and so far no complications whatsoever just some very minor ones..

never mind the pay, never mind the pressure that i take in every single day its the meaning of having to do something that's actually not counter productive in your life, to feel you are a productive individual of this life you're living and not an ailing virus that feeds on the host system..

i am not saying that there aren't times i wish i wasn't there...but in an overall perspective, its the challenge that keeps me there

all for one..

Many health pharmaceutical organizations around the world have the greatest love for all those they tend to that they raise the price of medicines to catch our attention at how hard they work to develop their 'special' ingredients.

You will have of course heard of the rumor (or should we say truth) that the reason Bird Flu has spread very much in similarity to a blaze of windly forest fire.

And who is it that comes to the rescue?

Pharmeucitical companies such as those that are owned by the US Vice President Dick 'flick' Cheney.

And whose running the world's largest war against 'terror'?

US Secertary of Defence Donald 'quack' Rumsfield who owns a company that caters to the needs of the US Army needs in all matters in yearly contracts worth billions of US Dollars.

And whose the idiot that's running the dumbest superpower into an ailing war with a deficit worth 400 billion US Dollars?

George W. Bush. Whose 'daddykins' owns a major crude oil business in the Southern State of Texas.

They must have thought this over and over again before they started out the whole thing. Because it all fits into place. Cheney breaks loose a big widespread rumor that the only cure for the bird flu cure is his company's pharmceutical agent that breaks down the H5N1 viral infection with a need to be injected every period or so - therefore, convincing countries worldwide to take preventional measures by buying several millions of this expensive medicine for all it's citizens. While on the other hand, Rumsfield is happy with the cash flow coming in from his company for the US Army without lifting a finger except when he makes those very useful speaches 'I don't know how. I don't know where. But something bad is about to happen. Thank you very much.' Then there's Junior whose trying to keep away from his Dad's crackers by making his 'nation' proud of him for the 2nd time running in the 'war against the woodpecker'.

I had a great respect for the Americans once because I honestly felt that they were a proud nation of what they do for themselves and how they built themselves up and how they love everyone on this planet besides them being the biggest superpower nation this and the last century has ever seen after the collapse of the former Soviet Union.

But in all honesty, doesn't it make you feel embarassed to have to vote for the stupidest man alive on this planet to be your leader by leading your sons and daughters into a war that would probably know no end whatsoever?

XMEN 3: The Last Stand (The story behind)

Whoever sees the XMEN3 - The Last Stand will understand the concept behind the story at full perspective and what the director and writer are trying to point out.

Humanity, in it's total existence, has this never ending struggle within themselves about whether to do what's right or what's wrong in order to live their happy go lucky lives.

But the struggle does not go un-noticed. Many things come into hand to play an infulential factor in such a deep depressed struggle. The fact that the Phoenix was under the impression that it could drive the world into the palm of her hands is an example enough of how bad one can struggle their own demons but cannot without the aid of someone else.

Brett Ratner did a great job, alright. He completely destroyed the franchises story telling sequence that used to come with the touch of former Director/Co-Writer Bryan Singer.

Wouldn't it have been easier for 20th Century Fox to wait until Singer had finished Superman Returns to go back on the previous project?

Want not, haste not...huh?

In Your Eyes

So who says what who or why
Do you know whether they tell the truth or whether they lie?
The truth is there
In their eyes
In their eyes

Lie as they may want
Bitter from their social differences
Bitter from the truth
That stands in their faces

It's all there
In their eyes
In their eyes

Its tough to them you see
Just to see you better than them at life and all so happy
Do what you want to do
You shouldn't care one bit about them
And you should know
That their only jealous
From the happines that shines
In your eyes
In your eyes

O' Brother. Where art thou?

Signs of doomsday ugliness are everywhere to see.

Common collision between nations and brothers of the same of the blood, clan and/or family. Health diseases around the world because of mankind taking the twist and turn of reality that need not be of taking it far too easy with every single technological embrace that we set ourselves out to because it looks so 'cool'. We choose these days to ignore the nowadays bad news on the first news of a local and/or international newsmedia to go on and watch what we need not be watching that helps us 'escape' the tremors of such a bad day.

Palestine.

Afghanistan.

The Tibet border.

Spain.

Japan.

The USA.

The UK.

Canada.

Even; Oman.

Is it so hard to look at the truth in the eye and just hold in the reality of the situation of which we have brought ourselves to?

What we have brought upon ourselves is simple ignorance. We had thought that everything would naturally take care of itself once ther interference was done. But that wasn't it, was it? In fact, everything has become worse. What's to be done now?

No longer does the statement 'ignorance is bliss' imply itself upon the nation's leaders and decision makers of the world, does it now?

Women's World: The Freedom Rant

This is an official rant against women where-ever they may be.

Women, as much as men, think that they have superiority over the other race because of their assumption that men cannot live without them, and as the saying would go; can't live with them either. Making them the ideal mystery of life.

That maybe the case here, but tell me again where does it say that women were first given the right to vote in the entire histroy of mankind? Where does it say that they were first allowed to work in societies where working women were considered taboo?

They may have been given the right to many things by relegion. But as society would call it, a complicated social issue, because of the fact that the very idea of having a working woman in an organization was to create problems because of the very fact of the dog-gone ideas that many devilish ideas that some 'men' would come up with while they are working in the same office; branch, etc.

The very fact that women got this far is not only a statement of freedom of rights but the truth as it is that women have gotten their rights and much more than they had bargained for.

Yes. More than they had bargained for.

How?

I'll tell you how.

Howcome is it that we see more case of rape, sexual interactions between different 'colleagues' within one establishments (let's not name the establishment here, shall we?), plus the very fact that women are taking advantage of every loophole that they can get their hands on in the current 'shariah' laws which speak of the right to express one's freedom of choice in fashion, accesories and the such.

You tell me if one women in the entire world, who calls herself a 'Muslim' should get any respect because she imitates how other women wearing abayas or head scarves so badly making it a fashion statement to put a leader's embroided picture on one and letting your hair out or making it so tight that it would show how your whole face is structured, respectively.

While, on one hand, the writer does disclaim the right to express one's freedom, it does not mean that one should go beyond the border. Nor does it mean that if one was to imitate the relegion's boundaries of showing one's skin so badly just to become a clown.

The goal of this rant isn't as much as it is to open the soft sex's eyes to their mistakes as it is to broaden their view of the whole picture which, if painted, would be a colorless Picasso.

------------

In other news:

To compare a taxi to a private car owner in Oman is like comparing a Primate to a normal human being - they both lack that certain DNA of the 'intelligence factor'

Horizon Newsletter - Again

For those who study at the Sultan Qaboos University in the Sultanate, the Horizon English language newsletter has finally printed out the 2nd and final part of my poetic story Blue Ribbon Beauty 2: The CoffeeShop - Again in it's latest issue.

I haven't had the time to review the blog to know whether I have published it here previously or not, but I suspect I have. If you still can't find it here; leave me a comment and I will get to it ASAP.

Cheers!

the thin thread of life

They say if you haven't lived life until you've been through the lows and considerably enough, I have been through what has been termed as 'the test session of sessions' that brought me over to the other side of the ground.

But having to go through the same episode every now and then starts my questioning if it really is all over and should I expect to live a normal life from now on? Riddles that roam the mind making think of perils and doom only when one is supposed to have more hope than ever.

And if this does all have an end, what then? How would it affect my current working career and other important goals that will come along in my life? I don't want to turn out to be another burden on society seeing that I was searching for such an opportunity in more than 2 years time. Would it vanish away taking my very soul away with it?

Is that the master plan?

The chance of having to live a normal life stands on a very thin thread here.

Love

"Why love if losing hurts so much? We love to know that we are not alone."

C.S. Lewis

Reason

There's a reason why each of us is on this Earth. There's a reason as to why our paths cross, too. Nothing is of mere coincidence. We all meant to unfluence one another in many different ways. There is no such thing as luck. There is, however, something such as the power to change your fate through choice. A choice that requires determenation, true balance and the power to stay in focus. Something not all of us have. Others are tested in many matters, through famiy differences, money matters, or sickness.

However you may look at it; whatever is happening to you is happening for a reason. Whether you accept that reason or not is something that the comprehension department takes over.

" I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you"

--------


Hoobastank Lyrics - The Reason

Naturalists

Are naturalists a true form of the true identity behind a human being's soul before the manifestation of human societal behavior upon the individual with after effects?

A question of which has battered the mind for as long as it has been known that mankind was on the face of Earth. People think that naturalists are what they would put to term as 'the weaker' class of human kind. Because no matter how much they mingle in with the community they stay as they are but contradictally much more influenced than an influence themselves.

Depending on the environment that they had lived in, such is their attitude towards other individuals in their pathline of life.

The true side of nature lies on side, while the darkside holds the mysterious ingenuinity behind the creation of such a person on God's green Earth.

They are known for doing what they please, as they please, throwing at the wall all laid down rules and setting a new set for their own advantage which they come to, themselves, in penetrating the shields of entry that they so solidly build.

Ever defied, they will cucoon in one corner while when challenged into matters of expertise will show the world their true talent.

Would you know one if you came by such an individual?

...and a hero will rise

There are people who we turn to in times of laughter, despair and loneliness. To us, these individuals are what they are in our eyes; heroes.

They are the one who we depend on to solve our problems. The ones to who we see as our best friend to join in our most joyous moments that we consider not sharing those moments with them almost a sin. They are also the ones who make us feel we want to live in this world again because they listen to our constant nagging about feeling lonely and how we would like to see the day we get wed off sooner than yesterday.

It is to those people, who we owe our very lives' sanities.

They could be our family members. Our best friend. The love of our life. Or someone we had just bumped into all of a sudden.

All in all, there is a need to dedicate that same amount of time, and tender touch to other people who find themselves in our own past situations.

Its not so a matter to become a hero in their eyes, but to show that we could a better father figure, so to speak, to them.

This is one of the things that the younger generation lacks here in Oman and should be implemented without delay.

He died. She survived.

There's a story about this young man and woman who are brother and sister to each other in a normal Arabian family of which these two are ailing of the same disease having the same symptoms and the same blood type.

While on one hand, the brother was a worker and was trying as much as he could to compensate for the time that he has lost over having the disease for over 8 years of his life, the sister had just been diagnosed with the same newly developed incurabley unknown disease over a matter of a couple of weeks.

The brother was told one day that the only way to survive that either one of the two had to die to donate organs to the other so that the other may live in a more healthy way. What everyone didn't know was that he was secretly planning his destiny by choosing to be that person so that his sister may live.

So, in time, he immerses himself into his work and doesn't take care of himself and of his health while there are many reasons to do otherwise. But believing in the ultimate sacrifice, he willed himself that he would give up his life so that his younger sister would live on 'happily ever after'.

One day, he was admitted into the hospital because the worst has come to surface.

He was dying.

Everyone was there from his family.

Everyone crying. Doctors trying to figure out something that they could overlooked into. But fate had it's way with the young man's choice.

At that point of time, his younger sister reached out her hand and clasped his every so tightly as if to hold onto his soul's strength to delay the seconds that were going by to the inevitable.

But she couldn't delay what was going to happen anyhow.

No one could.

He died, there and then.

The family was allowed a mere half an hour to set their griefs aside so that the attempt to boost up the young woman's chances to live a more healthy and more natural lifestyle.

The operation was done.

6 months after the operation she was alive and kicking. Happily newly wed with all the thanks to God and her brother for his sacrifice.

..She still visits his grave to give her respects to him and his great gesture of courage.

Ultamatuims

Everyone seems to think that fate is the final verdict of anything that goes on this planet. Like there are probabilities to life and everything is an approximate. Nothing could ever change to become better or even worse.

But the truth lies that there is no such thing. Fate, as it is, is predestined because of the choices we make and therefore it is those choices - good or bad - that lay out our destined path to where we will lay to rest one day. So as long as we are able to make a choice in our lives, then we are able to change our fate. Giving the word ultamatuim a whole new meaning.

So to those who have done the worst things, there is still the chance of having redemption and easing or cushioning the mistakes of the past.

But then again, one musn't make the same mistake twice.

For life is a tough teacher.

misconceptions of democracy

Day after day you realize that people around Oman are just the same everywhere. There's the small childish type. The innocent type that have no clue whatsoever. And lastly, the bossy type that dictates who and what goes where and how and why they should.

Its pretty much the same with the whole wide world. And the saying that 'it's a jungle out there' isn't too far from it, either. And unfortunately for us, the rest of the world, we are living by standards of which we never got to chose. Things that we were born to.

In that manner or concept, comes my idea. The misconception of democracy. How can you ask to choose something in the shadows of democracy by choice, when it is that same fundamental idea that takes you and leads you to the same path of which you were trying to avoid the whole time?

The path of democracy of which so many ask for in middle east, is a rough and rigid one, one of which our nations are unequipped for. Something of which we cannot even beging to fathom because of the many underlying responsibilities that would lie upon the nation by then to uptake to uphold the value and 'traditions' of such a concept.

My question is this, though; how can you choose to ask for a choice when the choice you make is one that is already made for you?

I told you so..

I made a note sometime back about how the Omanization process is affecting the economy and the side affects of such a decision to design an APB on it to run it through any organization within the Omani border. One of the side effects I talked about was the fact that you would see those maniac Omani drivers along the highways driving with heavy loads on the roads like they were driving their own saloon cars and overtaking other heavy vehicles that obstruct their path or their schedule.

Since then, there has a been a large rise in deaths on Omani roads because the intollerant behavior that these road runners are wrongly portraying to the public of an image. There was a great disaster-just-waiting-to-be tourist bus that carried more than 66 Chinese tourists and 3 Omanis including the drivers of whom were driving around in Yiti. The buses breaks gave away because of high speed manouvering and almost catastrophicly made the headlines that all the tourists were all dead, drivers and all. But devine intervention sought otherwise and stopped the collision course to death with a big moutain rock at the landslide.

School chidlren are also victims in many parts of the country to the point that parents ask the authorities to install speedbreakers on roads that are parallel to such landmarks. Petrol delivery trucks. Water tankers. Gas mini trucks. All being driven at high speeds.

And is anyone doing anything?

"There's a pending investigation on this and we will have the results in a month's time"

Defiance: Instinct of Survival

It's been a while since I have blogged a real post because of depressional woes. But then again, you can't taste the highs until you've been into the lows.

Work could not be more busier. Life is a bit more hectic and things just keep managing to catch up to you like you were some kind of magnet just waiting to come by and be caught at that particular moment.

The fundamentals of life isn't all about survival, but the will to survive it in so many methods that are uptaken - one of the best, yet at the same time, most gruesome ones, is the part of defiance.

Defiance is a quote we all say to ourselves on a certain day that we would challenge our limits to the borders and beyond to see where we can get to and having to achieve such a goal is probably the best achievement that someone could ever raise the stakes on their life, if ever.

When I was sick and was still in hospital, though. And this was when I first published my first book; Rapidly Blue, I kept getting told by friends, nurses, doctors and family that not only to go through such a rough period in my time at that period was it an achievement, but also to achieve being a poet at such a young age (i.e.: 24 years old). At the time, I didn't give much attention to the statement because I felt quite - humble, let's say - about the whole issue of publishing a book at that young an age.

What I am trying to get at is that the path that I took not only helped me in overcoming my difficult transitional stage from sickness to near perfection but also posed as a challenge to me and my skills and how I used them to see that I get to the next attainable goal in my life's stop-points.

And now that I go through these depressional woes from time to time I realize at how much I slue myself of desireables in life and the possibility of putting a smile on someone's face. It's not that I do it because I want to, but rather it's because I find that it's hard for me sometimes to just get too involved into life without having to share it with someone that cares about these things such as I apart from my overseas friends in several places around the globe. And had they not been in my life then it would have been a straight trip to that insanity 5 star of a hotel they got here in Oman with me choosing whether to go down the Rabbit hole or to stay in the gloomy reality that my mind revolves itself within (in case you're wondering; that's Matrix talk).

Bill Cosby once said in his best stand up comedy DVD that God has a sense of humor (and I believe He does, too). And this was brought up at the upbrining of the topic of giving birth to children. He said (Cosby, that is), that when a man and woman come together and start to wish for a child before they go into their physical interactment, that they always wish for a healthy child no matter what the sex the baby and stop at that because they 'believe' that being more specific in their wish would just be pushing it. And so, the father dreams of having a young boy to raise and carry his name to play American Football in the outfields and let shine the family name so he may one day be proud to say 'that's my boy right there, y'see?' And seeing that Heaven always has a sense of humor, it throws in a punchline, you can't always get what you want and for a reason, too. And so, a young girl is delivered into this world. Naturally, the father has to smile and gut it in because he understands the sense of humor that is brought upon him as a responsibility. The scene goes on from there, but having to actually put it all here would be just too long a dialouge, so you'll have to see it in Cosby's DVD 'Bill Cosby - Himself'. The message that is highlighted, though, is the most important of all. Because even though you may not get what you want right now, it is always said that you would get it much later in life or if you don't, then you are given it by multitudes in Heaven when you go over to the other side.

The chances of that happening?

Nobody has ever come back from the dead to report the result.

The journey doesn't end until the fat lady sings, eh?

Sami Yusuf in Oman

There's a supposedly planned out 'function' that would include Sami Yusuf coming to the Sultanate of Oman for a small concert to raise money for the cause of Blood Cancer here..

As far as rumors would go; the planned event is meant to be on the 8th of June, 2006.

More details later on.

Hey Susie

Hey Susie
It's been a long time
And although what I've been through
I never meant to shut you completely out of my life

And you should see me now
I have this smile on my face
I'm smiling because
I remember the smile on your face

Hey Susie
You know I missed you so much
I've never felt this way
Especially about you - just as such

And I wish you were here
Right here with me
To see how my life
Isn't what you'd call 'empty'

And I wish
I wish you hadn't gone
The smile mixed with tears
Laughter doesn't always cure the heart; torn

Hey Susie..

Hey Susie..

It's been a long time...

throw me a flashlight, God..

Changing day to night in the eyes of someone who is deeply depressed is never easy. Especially, for someone such as me. It requires a will; and a strong one at that. Yet the power of friendships also play a hand in this desperate period of time. A time where you will differentiate between real and unreal friends. People whom you can actually count on when you are down.

I can't and won't say who was there for me when I was down for the count this time. I'll just spare the details to the point of saying a simple thank you for always being there when I needed you..

Although I can't say that everything is back to normal, it's only safe to say that the worst is over and that during the coming week things should turn out to be as chirpy as they were in the start, again..

Thanks again - you know who you are..

Coke is it

Just around the corner
He walks slow
He forgets that it is him
That his heart has been broken and torn

All too many chances taken
Too dumb or too fast and hastened?

He looks down in pity
Shares nothing with the world around himself
He cares no more, he joins the world in it's sorrows
This is how truth can get someone's heart torn

Believe it or not, I drank a Coke and felt a lot better than all these days accumalated...

imitating a smile

So maybe I am dragging it a bit. Maybe there is a slight chance of recovery after all from this mental illness called the depressive stage. Maybe. Just maybe, everything would turn out fine.

So if everything is going that way - as in, as it is and what it is, is going the right path - then why does everything feel so wrong?

You have this little light inside of you that asks you to push on further just a bit more. And the moment you are seeing hope, you see the darkness again, all around you, like it was a cold silent storm. And its that storm of frustration, ideas, desperation to get out of the vicious hole of events that you are running through that holds you back yet the flame of hope still carries on.

If I was a child I would cry
If I was a girl I would crowch in fear and die
If I was a man I would hold back my tears
If I was a woman I would hold my man's hands strongly in fear

If a smile is the best way a human being can be happy, then I would imitate a smile.

is it an empathatic world?

A creative artist looks upon the place of where he will start off his work and start burrowing his mind for a specific detailed feature that is required to launch the journey that he wishes to embark upon so that they may distinctly set their right foot into the hall of creativity.

Burrowing a mind is a tedious process. Something that oftens happens to artists subconciously, where that particular artist has his thinking machine working around-the-clock and in result he is always thinkning of something new and improved. That was once, I.

I was once a child
Just a boy
Now that I have grown
I find that I am just a toy in someone's hands

I keep trying to initiate this link between me and myself. It's like two minds thinking at the same time. One replying to the other. And it gets me so down that I just have to sit down and listen to my mind(s) just wonder away with their thoughts. And at many of these times, they make complete sense.

I implore them
I shout away
I cry out my miseries
Everyday

I try to imitate a smile
But it won't come out
Even my muscles
Have those doubts

Does the world not share with me its empathy?

are you listening?

Rising up from the ashes is never as easy as you would always think or imagined it would be. There's the knimbling knees, that struggle to get their strength back. The gravity that works agains you. The solitude you feel inside as you look around for someone to listen to your inner most deepest voice that grieves with pain and sorrow so that you may just get a tiny bit off of your chest.

I look around
What do I see?
Nothing, but a desert
Except for one soul - which is me

I find it hard now to recoginize anything that's just nice for the sake of being alive. Maybe it's just my nature. Maybe I was just not meant to be a writer who writes about every explicit detail in his life. I am probably just someone whose looking for someone who wants to listen to me.

Desperation in my mind
I don't care
The life I have lived
I can no longer share

Whisked whims of past devotion
Laughable plauses of that reduces your life span to being redundant

I find no way out of this
The hellboud paradigm in which my mind is fixed
The fire upon the flames near my hand
I ask only for one more thing; take my soul, if I am this retarted not to understand

the dying quest

lately, i have been having this out of body experience, one where you just float in mid air and everything around you just doesn't seem to make sense.

this applies to me in my blogging case.

perhaps it's because i push myself to blog about anything every single day unless i am sick or for whatever other reason. then again, maybe it's just a sign from the Big Guy Upstairs to just give everything a break and start continuing your realistic adventures from now on - like the work that i have now that takes up so much of my time i barely have time to think about everything.

and i certainly don't want to end up telling you how boring my day was at work nor what it is i do here or there just because i can't find a reason good enough to blog.

maybe it's just better to say it this way;

goodbye

(ps: i'll be back in the case that i find something to blog about)

the logic behind the emotion

There is just one thing that I don't get these days.

Why enter into a relationship with someone when you already plan ahead for the next bold step but end up being battered with demotivational feelings that you could lose your head over and possibly even seclude yourself from the environment that surrounds you?

What is the whole point?

If your sole purpose on this Earth - as your eyes may see it - is just to have a girlfriend/boyfriend, wife/husband - then indeed, your whole life is a waste.

Where's the fun you feel when you discover yourself? When you tie up your emotions and ask yourself to be more sincere to you and yourself than to being cavalier towards others? Isn't the challenge of being alive much more broadening in a wider perspective than it is when you contain yourself within the paradigm that love and other parpatual emotions pulls you into?

Isn't this plain logical?

the oddest thing happens when you find yourself..

• ... shouting at some other driver who drives (in your opinion) recklessly whilst you're in the car with the windows up (I heard you, my dear - loud and clear).

• ...talking about the side effects of smoking whilst you're hiding the very same fact from everyone else (yes, I do believe you. I just don't believe you, that's all).

• ...teaching lessons of morality when you yourself are a hypocrite to yourself, first, and to the people who surround you, lastly.

• ...turning to a complete joke maniac after work is over at some time in the night and you just laugh about almost anything, yet, at the end of the day - you fall depressed.

the queen of hearts

When would have thought that times were arranged to get into the social circle in their life cycle or even just have followed the 'lower trend' of which is getting married.

Marriage was always about making yourself available to the other party making romantic gestures most of the time and all that mushy mushy stuff that you get to see in the movies. Hence, the keyword here is 'was'. Because only fools rush in that blindly into the path of love. People are so willing these days to give up their entire lives for the sake that they would be with their 'one and only'. But when they are given a simple question such as how they ever will survive they're as mute as mummies.

The noticeable thing about these individuals is that they carry the same amount of hatred for the ones they had loved before as much as they had 'loved them' without one question. Whether it was because of seperation for being pathetic, or too dramatic in their relationship or anything else that their immature minds could conjure up as a reason.

But, fast forward now, come this day and age, more and more people are looking for the much sophisticated women that would not only love him and cherish him for as long as they both shall live, but one that would challenge him, mentally. Finding something in disagreement would certainly light the fire of passion from time to time because it is that indifference in opinion that also brings them in together.

Such is an issue with much great debate that they would conclude it abruptly by saying they are searching for their queen of hearts.

A desirable and quite applauding momentum would then follow by the almost immediate, nods in agreement because what matters more than passion is the reason to follow through with such a decision.

Some are willing to dedicate their life entirely to find this person.

What a waste of life that would be for people such as I.

God's Will...

There is just no saying
Who, what, where, or why
The Babylon of truth
Love and lies

Fate is a cliffhanger
Favoring a pretence in joy
Giving you a flower in one hand
And another with your most favorite destruction toy

Giving you the choice of which path to take
The loss of humanity, is by all means, man's gravest mistake

The light that is shed
On pillow-thoughts of midnight
Reason? Or doubt?
Feelings that you lose by the beginning of day, throughout the night

To man; respect is from the heart
The soul that guides the mind
The rivers of agony that throw us blind

To the light of day, you take a deep breath in
My life is not my own - it is God's will

If You Were Me...

Take a flower
Take a Bee
Take my smile
Or take me

Take my life
Take my trust
But never leave me without your precious endurance
Your personal touch

Starry, starry night tonight
I wish I could have the wish that I made under this moonlight
I have seen her face and I cannot forget
The feelings that rush within me like blood veins, spread

She gazes into a flock of birds
The smile on her face
The green meadows she loves
In spring; in winter; it wouldn't matter which day

She loves the rain
Like the 'droplets' it comes down
Of fair wind in her hair
And her eyes, brown

If you were me
You would see
How much you would want to give to her all
Morever, eternity

Take my flower
Take my smile
Take my face
When it lights up so wild