people: you have a choice

you know what?

i didn't make this blog or write into it to make it available just for view; i expect people to answer back with comments. things that would make sense. but it seems even that is in rare availability these days..

i don't want people to come into my blog and read it like the morning gazette over a nice cup of tea 'hmmm, that's nice.' i want people to give back and stop throwing my letters over the wall. the only reason i keep posting here is because i feel that i wanna say something - speak my thoughts. and thoughts i write; but is there ever an answer from the statutes who call on freedom of expression in the online world?

answer: no

Life's moments - part one

They walked hand in hand down the beach. It was sunset. Clouds in the horizon with an orange sun lighting the background.

Everything seemed so right. So - romantic like. Like the stuff you would probably find in a chic flick. Things like that. With the wind's breeze against their faces, he would often look at her to see her just floating away but he was happy because she was right there with him. It would have probably been the only single thought he wanted all his life.

Up until that moment. When she uttered those words, 'I think we should take some time off from each other.'

Suddenly all this light pink world collided in his eyes. What was the sudden reason which lead to this moment?

'Why?'

His heart was being torn apart from the inside. Tears he would hold back from sadness and weeping his soul away. Life as it was hard on him and he counted on her as his support through the thick and thin.

'I need to re-evaluate my life's decisions - including you.'

Have I done something wrong for this to suddenly come on?'

'I really don't know what to tell you except that right now I need my own space and time alone.'

He let go of her hand. She then knew that she was breaking his heart by saying what she said. Any fool could see that. But she couldn't help it. She wanted to have her own time alone to see what she needs to focus on, perhaps even look into things a little deeper to analyze what actually needs to be done at this point of time and what to ignore.

'And what about us?'

'I don't know what to tell you. I'm sorry.'

So that's it?

A few months from knowing each other, becoming more than friends. Maybe not lovers. But definitely something. An item if you will.

------

I guess more or less things can be like that these days if you set both your feet into the deep end, huh?

things to blog about

there are definitely things on my mind that need to be thought about. personal things. and before anyone gets excited and shouts out "i told you so!", read on before you embarass yourself.

why should it matter that there is such a day in my life that i dedicate to think about some serious matters that really need looking into? because when you're in my shoes (and they're clean, too) you get to do that a lot.

matters like life, the present and the future and how the past was and what choices i had made to get to this point. matters of the heart. seasoned love spells or happily ever after? money choices. bank overdraft or bankrupt? where i stand in education or a career. health wise - will i live to be 1099 years old?

not that it matters to anyone who reads this; so why should i bother blogging about it?

why?

Tell me again.. why is it that I still post here?

bored?

are my posts THAT boring or pathetic or too repetitive to the point that no one wants to participate with their comments?

wow..

i have outdone myself..

destiny can always be changed, outcome can't

is it true that if you see a person for a glimpse the world no longer matters to you? or is that too far a chance to happen to anyone on this Earth?

i have been told that during the nine months in which your mother is pregnant, God flicks your future right before your very eyes in an instant but enough to keep it intact in your concious mind. but when you passby those moments or people or incidents or whatever; it's as if you've been there before - dejavu people call it. i call it a second chance.

if you focus enough on that one moment that happens to you in this time after you were born you could possibly alter the outcome to your advantage. how's that for a theory? just think - accidents that haven't happened yet, arguements which you haven't feud, people you know who are still alive. these moments, if you focus hard enough on them, really hard, then you could possibly change your own future and those you love and care about.

as i believe it, there are two timelines that we can choose to live, the one that is set for us or the one that we create through our actions. if we follow the carrot we will only go to where it is written for us to go. but if we had our donkey to ride on (provided we have a carrot and stick to steer it), then we could choose not to do the action that is written for us and move on to another choice. therefore, altering destiny but not the outcome.

you can always change your destiny, anyone can, its always been in your grasp. but the outcome will always stay the same. call it monopoly. you're gonna pass Mayfair no matter what you try to do and sooner or later you're run out of dosh to pay it back with all those hotels and houses on rent. right?

the outcome? you're out of the game.

one way or another we're going to go where its written for us to go. but in order to understand in why we ended up in that place, we need to make our own choice, create our destiny and be held responsible for our own actions.

boy, does my head ache..

just when you thought it was safe to have a teddy bear

so what type of day is it when you feel all day like talking to someone in particular and you convince yourself that that someone will show up sometime somehow someday somewhere and you would be able to sit down and have a chat with them quietly without hassle without embarassment without society eyes gazing down upon the two of you wondering ferreting through their minds on the reasons of what why where who when and how of what you the two of you are up to.

what kind of a day when you feel so alone even with the world is around you full of people full of excitement full of desires, emotions, and aspirations that madden the world with their fanatic speeds of crossing from one mind to the other gradually possessing the inner beings; our souls; namely: you.

what kind of a time is it when find yourself lost in the midst of a clear set path with the sun down on you, advice thrown in by your most closest friends - yet everything still seems so unclear until..

someone comes along and suddenly all that was nonsence makes perfect sense.

what kind of a day is it?

everything's coposathetic

i've gone and postponed my vacation until the 15th of August.

first of the reasons is that the travel agent our family is accustomed to hasn't had any luck in getting a flight vacancy to book me on until that date. 2nd reason would be that i sent in my corrections for my 2nd book Wonderous World and i am expecting it back to see it and approve it so it would be good for me to stay behind and follow that process. and finally, to keep an open eye on my health ..its been a good 2 weeks - i just hope it stays that way, forever.

so i'll still be around but i'll miss celebrating my birthday here in Oman, but i have done it once and i can always do it again. and i'll miss attending something back here.

but here's to a person who's made me smile whenever i see them; thank you

Oman in the summer

when is a vacation not a vacation? when you're out of 2 month stay at hospital and you wanna leave the country and you find all the flights are booked...

ever since those bombings have happened in London and Egypt and everyone who's anyone has diverted their bookings to the far east; Malaysia; Singapore; Hong Kong; Thailand even the Phillipines!

and Dubai has a normal occupancy rate which is weird for the city at this time of year with their summer suprises.

i even asked the travel agent to see if there are any trips to the moon....at first i was being serious then laughed about it later on. the guy was shocked. anyone would be. then again i would have been shocked if he had answered me back that there are flights to the moon!

i just wanna get out of Oman for a while...is that too much to ask? hmph!

What's With The World?

5 blasts in London (again), another in Egypt in Sharm El Sheikh, a suicide bombing in Turkey not to mention what goes on day in day out in Iraq and occupied Palestine.

What's going on with the world?

It's as if everyone in all 4 corners of the planet woke up on the wrong side of the bed and said to themselves 'you know what? I'm gonna take it out on the world because I feel like it'.

Simply put; fantasim will get us nowhere and neither will terrorism. Because the more oil you put the bigger the blaze and right now it seems our little 'fire' has gone global.

I mean what have the people behind these anonymous attacks achieved rather than introduce hatred, the idea of having to take the 'law' into your hands and bitterness for lives that we lost?

What has anyone gained?

The West now thinks of the Middle East as a Al-Qaeda practice field. The East thinks that the West should just butt out. And us? Well, we're smoking sheeshas, doing business deals, and getting hitched to far older women and by the time we realize it all we run into our secluded little tight cornered world and pray to whoever we pray to asking for forgivness on our sins and the such and think that everything will be just like the latest Skoda in Oman - superb.

Where's a can of Cola when you need one?

Poll

Someone had suggested to me that I should put up a poll on whether I should continue with the blog or not. So I am leaving it up to you. If I get at least between 5 - 10 people on either side of the equation - that will determin if I go on with the blog or not.

Should I continue blogging?

Once gone, forever smitten.

I think I might stop for a while blogging because I seriously can't think of anything. Anything at all. My mind has just gone blank for the last 2 days.

It's probably the weather and all this humidity getting into the engine behind the wheel upstairs. I think its due for its 1 million mile service.

I don't know.

We'll see about it.

If there's anything I learnt you can always buy good quality brains on the market for a cheap price. Wouldn't suppose someone wants to dispose of theirs in the sake of humanity? No? Didn't think so.

Oh, well.

Once gone, forever smitten.

Delusion or Determination?

Malaysia: 28th July, 2005 - back in 2 weeks.

August: 2nd book marketing.

September: Masters & gym enrollment, hopefully.

Rest of the year: staying alive and well.

Ghosty

Don't know what to say - sorry

Poem To You: Once Again, It's You

Can't sleep
I think of you everyday
I wonder and I wonder
My thoughts, back and forth, do they sway

Lingered in my heart
In my soul
Is your image
That controls my very thoughts

I wonder should I?
I wonder should I ask you again?
But then I pull back
The hurt do I have to off fend

I try to think of something else
Something besides you
But all I end up doing is remembering your smile
And the way you act so cool

I go out, I see people
But in the back of my mind, you're still there
I remember your eyes, how they twinkle
Just when you look my way, without meaning to stare

I am torn between two choices of having to ask you
The one question in my heart
But the last time I did that
I got embarassed and stopped at that part

I don't know what to do
Could you point me through?

I crave to see you one more time
To talk to you - just to talk to you, for a little while

Beat by beat, day by day
My heart, my soul, they call out your name

I wonder if I
Should stop convincing myself with these 'lies'

Destiny awaits for no one
I guess, I will always walk my path - alone..

New Tag

Here's a new tag I have developed. Feel free not to participate in it if you don't want to.


What is your date of birth? And what Zodiac sign are you?

I was born on 25/8/1978 and I am a Virgo.

When you were young, what did you always want to be?

A airplane pilot.

Who is and is still your all-time favorite music artist?

Michael Jackson.

What is your perception of life?

If we born to live to give then where's my share?

I was just doing this for fun - no need to take it on seriously.

Elvis has left the mousehole

People tell me I have no taste in music just because that mine is not in line with theirs. But to each his own. They think that my taste for music is off. I used to like any good music of late. But the problem is, is that I have lost touch with that kind of music. Don't get me wrong. I like something if it's catchy and nice. But that's about it. Lately, I have been into downloading music from the 80's that I remember when I was in the UK 16 years ago. Yup. I still remember a lot of them. And I'd rather listen to them than what is heard these days. Again it is according to my mood. And it seems like that I am the only one who is in to it these days as far as I know.

A lot of people think that I am also mature enough to make a move on getting a wife, too. But, seriously, most of the women that I have seen - in exception to one who's special to my heart - are immature, out for all fun and just letting go (i.e.: not taking responsibility of their actions) & they are far too young for me. I think I have found the one, but I am trying to take as slowly as I can if she would just let me know if she really is in to me or not. And I would wait even after I die if that's what it takes.

I could be pesimisstic most of the time, but I am not like that by nature. I am really a fun guy to be around - just ask anyone who knows me. I enjoy having fun but not at the expense of forgoing serious matters - never. I enjoy a good fruitfull chat with someone who understands me and connects on the same level as I. I do have a hot head sometimes, but again, its according to my mood. I would never lie to anyone about anything unless it's absolutely necessary. I would never hurt someone on purpose, emotionally or otherwise. I love the outdoors. I am sensitive (anyone got a Ken doll for me?) to matters of my concern and of that to others.

I'm really into gadgets and gizmos for almost anything - especially mobile phones, PCs and laptops. I am hoping to open my own business one day since I can't work under the conditions of my health I would have to be my own boss.

I would never cheat unless pushed to by another party.

Anything else I didn't mention?

Before the night is over..

So here's a question for everyone out there before the night is over: Do clothes make the man (the person)? And please give a reason to your answer..

Cheers!

I totally forgot how it feels to just sit in the summer heat.

I totally forgot how bad it feels to be alone.

I totally forgot how it feels to have that smooth breeze wash against you in the afternoon.

But I never forgot the beautiful way you look..

Can the inside be outside and vice versa?

So I went to the dentist today. Finished from there in less than an hour. And ended up getting a second appointment by August 21st. Just 4 days before my birthday. He he he. The reason? Well, the actual dentist who's supposed to be working with me is off because of an injury for a period of 3 months. Plus the fact that I am going to Malaysia on the 27th or 28th of July and I won't be back until sometime around the 18th of August. And fact is, my case is a dental challenge and that is no understatement.

I am also expecting that my book would come out this week or beginning of the next, hopefully.

I am feeling a lot better physically. I am able to almost run around and go quickly up and down the stairs. So hopefully everything will be A.OK by the time I go to Malaysia.

I would have gone to the UK. But I have no one to show me around. Plus, it's been 16 years since I was last in Glasgow, Scotland. Oh, well.

And hopefully by the time I come back I will enroll into a Master's program here, trouble is all they are offering is a Master's in Business Administration. And I am up to here with that. I wanna major in something like Advertising because I find that field fascinating and so full of opportunities. My parents are like do your poroject on Advertising. But I would rather major in it.

Anyways. Besides that, I am going to watch The Fantastic Four at the Shatti Plaza at maybe 4:30pm and after that a nice sit at Starbucks MQ then back home to say my b'byes to my older sister who's off tomorrow to London with her husband.

Anyone care to join me at Starbucks let me know..

see ya!

The Fantastic 'Chores'

Why do people in the world think that we need some sort of superhero to solve their problems? What? The human race isn't capable enough to take care of itself? This is the image that is now portrayed - unfortunately - in the cinematic view and most popularly, in Hollywood where stories and movies such Spiderman 1 & 2, The X-MEN 1 & 2, Constantine have only invaded the scene of late with promise of another tomorrow with the dashing help of these cloaked and masked riders who often go into the sunset without so much of a thank you but a charming kiss from the soft pouted lips of a heroin.

The Fantastic Four, although I haven't seen yet, even though it has just been released today - with the exception of the special screening that went on in the Shatti Plaza last Sunday - plays on the same trend. Good and evil are born inside some unknown city on Earth sometime in the past or the near future. They clash. Good quarrels with itself on how to do a good job about saving the world. Evil smirks down at them slyingly. High-ho whactchamacallit. And there you end up with a big bang of of dramatic action sequences that blur the eye, distort the brain, leaving shockwaves in the nervous system even after the movie is finished. And the person behind screen is like 'more! more!' - so what does the studio behind the movie do? Green light a sequel. As if all this wasn't enough.

If the world existed with such people playing on the universe's fate then humanity would not have survived this long and had long world war battles between them in a struggle of power and domination of who rules the nothingness that is left in the end.

Here's then to humanity..

Raw

I thought I would tell you what's on my mind
I was this close yesterday to taking my life
I had a notion to take an overdose and die

But then I stopped myself and told myself that that would be a cowardly thing to do
The people who love me won't pray for me, won't grave me, they'll be so angry they'll throw stones on my tomb

I then thought of you
I saw an image of you smiling
That gorgeous smile you have

And I was like
God. Oh, God.
I wish you were here because you would truly understand

I picked myself up from the pieces shattered on the carpet floor
The ones that I imagined myself making so I could rip apart my veins in case the pills didn't make the call

I stood up, head high
I had only one thing on my mind
You and only you, even if you never want me ever in your life

I would cut myself a break and start all over again
The pain I feel now will be gone someday
Because I will fight it with all the courage I have in my soul
'Cause I know, sometime, someday
That if I don't take care of it, it would eat me from the inside - raw

update: these are just conjured up words nothing more nothing less..

Congwatuations!

Someone I know has finished their studdying for this year and is off on almost a month's vacation.

This post is dedicated to this person.

Congwatuations!

Hope to see you finish the next years with the flying colors that we always see from your attitude, persistence, and method of studying of which you dedicate yourself to.

Congwats Noors!

Today's plan

I plan today to go to Starbucks MQ and stay there and it's closing time. I would bring my laptop with me for music or some major inspiration that would come down on me.

Why MQ and not Shatti?

The place is far quieter than the one in Shatti and I need a quiet place these days because of the headaches that I am having.

I could pop into Shatti for maybe 30 minutes tops but that would be it. After that it starts to get crowded.

Ow, my head.

your mp3 collection is fine

A warning was spread across the 'net community about a virus that could literally earse all your mp3 files from your hard disk. People hopped like mad to update their antiviruses and antispyware agents.

But F-Secure was in the cool because it had analysed the threat to be a total hoax.

So now you can sleep tight. And forget about the bugs..

Who took my soul?

Souless.

That's how I feel right now.

Between having a better Hgb level and one my good patient friends passing away - I am souless.

The problem that I had was a woman who got my number in a weird way and was trying to 'get in touch' with me in a matter of speaking. Messages, phone calls and all that. Not to mention she was rude and insulting. She wanted to meet and I thought of the implications and consequences and tried to figure out if I wanted to. One part of me said yes, why not? Maybe she could be the one. Another part of me said that I had my eyes on someone already and I am not ready to throw away my chance to be with that person should there be a chance in the future with this woman by meeting her up and God knows what could happen. So I blew her away. I ignored her totally. Nasty? Maybe. But better safe than sorry. I have done a lot of things in my past and I plan to meet my Creator on Judgement Day hoping that He would grant me a place into His Paradise and forgiving all my past sins. And I don't plan to screw that up by doing such a thing as this. Even if this other person who I have my eye on is not interested in me at all.

After I recieved the news of my Hgb level rise, I immediately thought of taking a vacation to my favorite destination - Malaysia. Hopefully I will be able.

And I am to start my Masters on September. It's unclear though where I would pursue it, although it would be in Oman. I wonder if SQU offers Masters degrees?

If I am well enough, I might even enroll myself into a gym for a year so I can get into shape. Anyone know any good gym that offers individual training?

That's the list of things that I would like to do.

Unfornately for me they are a bit far away from this moment which I am held in. This moment of where time is standing still for me for some reason or another. And I wish I could break free of the paradigm. Should I take anti depressants?

Many are the times that I myself have imagined myself dying the way my friend had. So God is just extending the jail term for me. I wish it was me who had gone and not my friend. I would finished from this life.

Yes. I do wish I was dead.

Good news - Bad news 2

The Good News:

My himoglobene level has come up again finally to 8.22. Doctors says it could be due to the new medication that they introduced to my body or that it could be that my bonemarrow has decided to wake up the produce of red blood cells.

The Bad News:

Same day as I was going to do my above checkup I took a chance to see my buddies in the ward which I used to be in - and to my shock; one of them had died throughout the night. I had known the deceased for over a year in hospital and we always chatted and had a great time until his case got worse. He had Lukiemia and he was only in his early 20's. Rest In Peace, friend.

Nothing's meant to be..

Now before you go on and say 'oh no, doesn't this guy ever get tired of complaining of his life?' - I have another thing coming.

This is not about my life.

This is about how everyone on God's 'sweet' Earth thinks that everything that ever happens is meant to be - and I am not talking about fate and it's consequences either. No. I am talking about how everyone accepts the idea of certain ideaologies just because theire used to it. Like take for instance certain individuals accept the idea of having to agree to everything a parent says to you without question. The problem in this matter is that you should not just say 'yes' but 'yes but why?'. You'd rather understand for example why you're making yourself a meal instead of just making it for the sake of making it. You're not exactly going to enter a competition with that are you now?

If things are wrong, you should not accept it that way and turn the other cheek as most of the people do - but rather do it the right and lead as an example. Would you jump off a cliff if everyone else did? Forget bungey-jumping or sky-diving. I'm talking free-fall.

There's a service you're not happy with? Make a suggestion to make it better. Go further. Ask for the manager and tell them you're not happy and demand a free compensation.

The only example I can think of in this case is my favorite monopolistic corporation - OmanTel. How many times have you had your internet connection down? Whether you have dial up; ISDN or ADSL. The fact of the matter is that OmanTel should compensate you for the lost hours that you could have used the service. A service unused is a service gone.

I feel very strongly about such things, but if there's a valid excuse - so be it.

But it ain't Christmas everyday, y'know.

Good day - life

So it's come down to this; I am being pushed again and again to take anti-depressants. The one thing that'll make me think like: zippidi do da, zippidi do dae, my sickness, has gone away! Yippee!

This is the third time I have had someone mention to me that I should take them. I don't want to live a lie. I'd rather live on reality that I am sick whether or not I can take that truth and face it or not.

Honestly. It makes me wonder that people would just take medication for anything these days. I have a headache - here's a Panadol. Got some bellyache? Get some Pathidine, why don't you? Ok, maybe I was in that phase, but I am way past that now. The only type of medication that I take is what is neccessary for my sickness. Plus the Adol/Omol that I use almost every day to take care of me should I feel a fever coming so I don't fall sick and tired.

And so far I have had almost a week off going into hospital, although I would still like to go there for one reason and one reason only. And another thing I feel as if I am being recharged. I am eating a lot. I'm not getting as tired as often as I used to. But I still have that tireness when I go up and down the steps. But that's about it. Pretty cool, huh?

On a different note, I have been browsing the 'net and stumbled upon this internet company that supplies Arabic cartoons from the 70's and 80's on DVD and VHS through orders via express mail or FedEx - the company's 'net address, should you be interested to check it out is:
www.arabiccartoons.net.

It might be a bit expensive, but I figure it's worth it since you're getting these old favorites such Captain Majed; Sally and Adnan wa Leena - if any of you remember them at all.

OmanTel has finally made the official unofficial. For all you WiFi freaks like me; remember when they used to offer the service for free until the end of August? Well, they stopped that and now they're the offering the service unofficially through prepaid cards that go as low for 3 Omani Rials. Once the card is activated, you have 1 week to use it, whether or not you do, it expires at the end of that one week. Once again, a breakthrough for technology through our beloved web service provider: OmanTel.

On the other hand, if you're looking to buy a Nawras line (i.e.: Ajel), there'll be (or there is, you would have to enquire through 1500) an offer to buy the Ajel package and you get a free EDGE/E-GPRS card for your laptop or PC which you can connect through your Nawras Ajel line so you can connect to the 'net at a speed three times faster than dial up (that would be 168Kbps). And what's better, is that you always have the connection with you where-ever you go, no need for silly extra usernames and passwords. Just your normal username and password that you use for your 'net connection back at home. Only disadvantage of this service is you're charged almost 3 Baizas per kilobyte you download through the phone via your PC/laptop.

If you still can't wait to get a better internet connection, just wait until the end of this year and they will bring in a new 'net company to compete with OmanTel's web services.

And one last note, my book has been sent to the printers one last time after I had edited it for the before last time so it shouldn't take long to get back the draft, maybe even today so I can approve it for mass printing. Fingers crossed.

Good day - life.

Help!

so what if you're on the verge a big wrong: a BIG biggie. Possibly the highest of them all .... relegiously, socially, logically and anything else that lands with an ending of 'ly'..

And what if you don't want to do it yet you're always called to it by some sort of mystic power telling you it's ok to do it because no one will know but you know that someone else will know one way or another.

And this wrong has big implications and consequences on you and other people if you go through with it and you could end up in jail here and in Hell in the everafter.

.. What do you do then?

Tag-ulation..

I don't know if it was me or Sam but I am going to do it anyhow:

What does 'love' mean to you?

Love to me is just a word. Unless enforced by actions to prove that you really do love someone such as showing how much you love them; always caring for them even when they are in need; being there for them in the thick and thin; etc.

What does 'Marriage' mean to you?

Marriage? That's a tough one. No, really. I think it's the ability to put comprimises in either person's life to make theirs a single one definitive of responsibilities, duties, and consequence of choice in the future.

Do you believe in 'love at first sight'?

My answer would have to be the same as Noora's on this one; I used to but not anymore. Got too heartbroken and learnt a few mistakes here and there. Nowadays, it's more like a sparkplug at first sight, he he he.

How many children do you want?

Maybe just 1 or 2 - 3, maximum.

If given the chance, what song would you sing for me on my wedding day?

'What a wonderful world' by Louis Armstrong.

What is your favorite holiday destination?

Well, currently, it would have to Malaysia. But given the chance to go anywhere else, I would probably pick the UK since I haven't been there in 15 years time, so I know it's changed dramatically or possibly, Australia - the new land of opportunity.

What are the three qualities you would look for in a man?

Where on my forehead does it say that I am gay???? ;oP

What are the three qualities and the three bad habits that you have?

Qualities - I would rather let people decide about that, I'm not one to brag about my hidden talents or such.

As for bad habits - I'm much of a pessemistic (since childhood); if my imagination is not kept on a leash then it could prove to be disastrous; and finally; I'm moody.

Where do you see yourself in ten years time?

Still surviving the methods of life and the mockery of which a game it still plays.

First person not been tagged on this issue and reads this is tagged!

Goodnight (Part Two): What He Wants To Say

I favor the night
The scent of yours, that it is, with-filled
Moonlight so bright
The soul balance I feel

I favor the day
When I see your smiling face
And your eyes twinkling my way
I love you passionately beyond comprehension, make no mistake

Love. Speaks passionately. In emotions. Souls collide. Slide the responsibility or full devotion.

Do I turn away?
Do I stare?
Do I look at her beautiful set of eyes?
Do I dare?

If I keep this bottled up. I will most surely kill myself. A thought that is not supposed to occur. When filled up with glee and happiness.

What is there to do? When you walk by me? I try to utter a few words. But they fall recklessly. Passion of joy. The will not to make a mistake. To make you see the flamboyance. Of how it feels when are by me almost every day.

I have no idea
What you think of me
I wish I knew
Seriously

I wish I could make everything bad that has ever happened to you just disappear
Just to make you happy, always smiling, always have your mind in the clear

I can imagine you to say
‘It’s not my time’
I can imagine you saying
‘I don’t have the time’

But truth to be known
Far though, yet clear
That you’d rather be on your own
To do the remarkable things you want, no matter how much time it may take – to get things clear

And I respect that
I really do
I really appreciate a woman like you
Doing the things that you yourself do

I believe if there is a path
Set between two people
That it would be set by the hands of fate

But sometimes
Just sometimes
Fate needs a little nudge in the right way

I don’t want to push
But I just wanted to be honest and open
I lay here my heart for you
For the taking

I’m sorry if I seem to be pushy
I don’t mean it, really

I would say sorry to you a zillion times
I would put my arm for you into a hot scolding fire not ice
I would do anything you ask
Just say the word and I’ll do it then and there

But whatever you do
Don’t vanish on me
Because if you do you’ll take my heart along with thee
And then I would be a mindless soul for all eternity

Goodnight, sweet dear

Goodnight..

I miss your voice

As do I

I can't sleep the night

My eyes, they dream of you, the nights

Talking on the phone. Before going to sleep. Such romantic thoughts. Between two lovers who cannot meet. Traditions wears down in a matter of decades, not years. What would happen then? Would they still feel what they feel?


I wonder if I should try
To catch your parent's attention and make a cry
A cry from my heart and my soul
A cry that I truly love you because you are my all

Please don't don't do anything hasty, I beg of you
If you were to, then our relationship could be through
Approach when you can when you are well
Approach when you feel like a man, all fixed up and dealt


Am I not a man now?

Yes you are

But have you anything to prove your case?

You're quite smart

Feelings can always come and go. The passion inside will always stay aglow. Lead me to your heart. Where I may be improsoned as a slave. A slave to your heart and soul. A slave to where we should lead our fate.


I can only say
What my heart wants to say
That it's you I want
That it's you I want for eternity

I love you too
Should you otherwise, I would slap you like a fool
Don't say that you'd ever die
Because, no matter how much we will ever live for, it matters not, our souls live in the sky


I wish I could reach out and hold you. Just hug you. Just. Just to hear you whisper those those words that I long to hear. It would have been days. No. Months. No. Years since those words I would hear.


Goodnight my sweet prince to another morning.
To another blossom of a rose.
To the even sunset and tomorrow's sunrise.
To the evening dust and tomorrow's rain.
The vanity I feel in heart will have tomorrow, sailed away.
I love you far more than you love me.
I love you so, it would be careless for you to ask how much you mean to me.


Sweet dreams my love.
May the daffodils spring in your balcony garden.
May the winter breeze come your gently your way asway.
May the clouds run over you like the soft air you breath at night.
May the sun smile down on your face and cause you delight.
May I always be in your heart as you say.
I love you so, come what may.

Now what?

Now I really don't know what to do with my life anymore.

It's pointless and un-useful for me to waste all this energy on nothing.

I am serious - if someone does not pick me up and show me the brighter side of my life in utter infinite ways, then I may do myself a hell of a lot wrong.

Batman Begins has been since Wednesday. I wanted to go out and see it that day but I got a call from a friend of mine and I invited him so we're ending up seeing it today, Thursday.

I was told that in that in 2 day weekend over at the US it racked in over 66 million Dollars. So what? This movie has been way overdue since the fans have been expecting, such as I, a fifth installment in the Batman movie series from Warner Bros.

I had never seen any trailers for the movie. But I had seen an advertisement which includes a refreshment drink that's promoting the movie and thought it was kinda cool.

I used to go to the movies alone. But nowadays I hardly ever go there because I tend to get a fever everytime I go in there (the movie theatre).

I hope to God one day that I won't be going alone anytime soon.

I hope to God that one day I would go to any type of good movie and with someone I truly love.

I believe life isn't life if you don't have someone truly special to your heart and soul to live with your whole lifetime..

Waiting..

I was asked today not to shut down my blog.

Funnily enough, the thought hadn't occurred to my mind - at the moment.

I enquired as to why and here I am awaiting the answer..

To ... why I shouldn't shut it down...the blog..that is...

Goodbye?

This blog is now on suspension until further notice..

I woke up today and I was feeling really sleepy from yesterday after I had gone out for more than 2 hours just checking to see what could be new and what could not. Apparently it turned out to be the latter, he he he

But, today.. I don't know what it is about today. I feel really different. Emphasised with energy and thinking with a pow. Burning some steel. Things like that. Things that are quite positive in nature and not of a negative impact. That only happens here at home - lol

Today we're celebrating my older sister's belated birthday. Belated because everyone screwed it up with their appointments. It's a birthday for crying out loud! When were you planning to have it by? Christmas?

Anyhow. I think I know what I will bring her.

I'll update you all what it was later tonite.

Right now my laptop is running out of charge for this post and if I end up like that it'll freeze.

And by the way
I forgot to say
Sweet sweet morning
To the lovely moonlight daze

That fills my eyes from its emptiness
Thte source, you are, of my happiness

Good morning

The difference between a flower and a white rose

I wish the days were always nights
I wish the summers were all winters
I wish away the gloomy thoughts
My wish is to be alive and only with you

Sunrises
Sunsets
Suns aside

The sun
Has made red
My white behind

Pretty flowers walk past on the streets
Pretty flowers with invisible thorns until touch them, you feel
Grey clouds are all over
Grey with gloom no showers no stopover

Bightness comes from ahead
Dazzling my eyes my ears and aching my brain
Brightness as cool as the as a winter's walk by on the beach
Brightness with a smile to make you forget what you last had for a meal

Sunny shine clovers
Tidbats and tails
The shower that I now feel
Over my body and head

Couldn't care about being angry or confused
Even in the event that things weren't meant to happen for a person and person in truth

They are but pretty flowers
But not as you
They're covered with thorns
And yet your warmth is what blooms through and through

Sweet dreams

Early Saturday Post

If there is such a thing.

I go to daycare to see how I am doing but I already know how I am - I feel like crap. Fevers. Barely walking. Unable to eat.

See you there. That's if they don't drag me into the ward which I am now accustomed to - Yellow 3.

You gotta love that number..

>>>>>> update on this issue:

Apparently I will be in the ward because I forgot that I was an out and pass patient. See you bright and early!

The poem

I have published the poem that I had written in hospital which someone is declining to say their opinion about it for some reason. But that's ok.

You can you all find it here

Thoughts of the day

Sleep..

Listen to the new Spanish guitar collection that I had just downloaded off the 'net..

And then in the night have a smooth relaxing time at Starbucks - but which one? MQ or Shatti?

have a nice time

>>>>>>> update on same day:

went out to Santino's to have a bite and only 7 minutes later, I was feeling nausy and terribly tired. Good thing that I could drive back home.

Got there and started having a fever. Bundled. Twice.

And that would be today - truly.

Gliding guidelines of your soul

Well, today I was up and adam and took that really painful injection back at the local polyclinic we go to which is in Wattayah. On my home got me the morning newspaper but didn't have a chance to read because it was already out and so I ended up for 2nd best: Oman Tribune.

Got back home, had a proper breakfast by 12ish. And now I am on the PC typing this out.

That's about it for today.

Except I have a question for Noora; should I go ahead and post that poem I last showed you when I was admitted or not to get a reply about it? ;o)

DON'T PANIC!

The Hitch-Hickers Guide to the Galaxy is out tonite at your nearest cinema. Based on the few small novels on the same title by Douglas Adams, it was a hilarious combination between comedy, drama, sci-fi, and stunning special effects that'll put the W in WOW. A must see if you ever read the book and if you haven't - then do read it and get yourself a ticket for the movie!

peace out!

Tag Attack!

Following the attack by Noora on her blog after reading her last post "Tag"; now I have to reply to the same questions when she got tagged.

So here goes nothing;

- How many books do you own?

Just a handfull really. I'm not much of a bookworm.

- What's the last book you bought?

A Raymond E. Feist story part of a new trilogy he's promoting for. Can't remember what the name was honestly. But I remember not liking it from the first few pages so I put it and cursed my luck because I had bought it personally from Barnes & Noble in Minnesota, USA.

- What's the last book you read?

'man and wife' by Tony Parsons. Great story of a two parts. The first book was called 'man and boy'. I would definitely recommend it.

- A book you've been reading but never got to finish it..?

Nothing. Like I said: I am not a bookworm.

- What 5 books have meant the most to you?

1) Man and boy - Tony Parsons.
2) Man and wife - Tony Parsons.
3) The spy who came out from the cold (can't remember the author's name - sorry).
4) The Rift-War trilogy - Raymond E. Feist.
5) Who Moved My Cheese? (again; author unknown).

- Who would you like to book tag?

Muscati, Noora (again! he he), my Dad, and all my sisters!

Yesssssssssssss......suffer as I have! ;oP

Thwartic Heaven

Fever (again for three days).

Can barely lift myself up and when I do my legs are all wobbly and won't walk straight.

My neck pounds when it's supposed to be my heart.

>>>>>

I am taking myself back tomorrow (Saturday) to the hospital and readmit myself into the ward. After all, I was discharged on an out and pass certificate and they had asked me to call in and tell them if I was alright which I am not.

And this time, my parents won't know until I have sat in my bed and become late for lunch over the house.

Which gives a few hours sleep and rest.

So instead of "Here I come to save the day" it's something else - he he he

See you there even though you didn't want me there..

Take care all

So I was thinking..

yes believe or not - I was thinking..

I got to thinking at the time that I was having a really high fever felt like a 39er or something (problem is that I have lost my personal electronic themometer and can't be bothered to buy a new one)..

Anyhoo.. I was thinking one big negative thought while I was watching a Spiderman 2 on my TV and I got to thinking and imagining that I was pulled into ICU and I was having an overwhelming fever over the themometer's scale of 42 degrees C. And that it wasn't coming down and I could feel actually the heat from that moment and that I was telling my dad my last wishes which were to go ahead and print my 2nd book. And that was that. Didn't see myself die though...he he he

Don't know why I got to thinking that way. But I was not thinking like that when the fever (actual one) went down..so I don't know: escape thoughts?

On the bright side we're invited my family and me and other lovely members of the family to our Uncle's 'ranch' - swimming pool and alll, tomorrow (Friday). So I guess I will have a good time I suppose. I suppose..

My dad starts his vacation for 40 days from this Saturday, which means he'll be on my head "eat this", "get up", "drink", "sweat" and my favorite - "fart". ;oP

He wants to go with me, after we cure this episode of mine, to Dubai - by car. No way by car. No way with anyone. A vacation is meant to have it to yourself and not with other people other than your wife, you really have no excuse there. 'You can't go alone on a vacation and that's that'. Worse than a mother in law that looks like Nancy Ajram in her 40's. Yikes..

I would have liked to have typed some nice poetry in these moments, but no nice thoughs are being filtered towards my brain. Looks like there's a detour being built. Hope it's not going to the intestines. Yugh..

Anyhow.

You eat your watermelons.

Drink as much fluid as you possibly cannot. And when you feel an overflow either barf up or do heavy weights like some people I know. ;oP

See ya soon people..

All my love..