Who took my soul?

Souless.

That's how I feel right now.

Between having a better Hgb level and one my good patient friends passing away - I am souless.

The problem that I had was a woman who got my number in a weird way and was trying to 'get in touch' with me in a matter of speaking. Messages, phone calls and all that. Not to mention she was rude and insulting. She wanted to meet and I thought of the implications and consequences and tried to figure out if I wanted to. One part of me said yes, why not? Maybe she could be the one. Another part of me said that I had my eyes on someone already and I am not ready to throw away my chance to be with that person should there be a chance in the future with this woman by meeting her up and God knows what could happen. So I blew her away. I ignored her totally. Nasty? Maybe. But better safe than sorry. I have done a lot of things in my past and I plan to meet my Creator on Judgement Day hoping that He would grant me a place into His Paradise and forgiving all my past sins. And I don't plan to screw that up by doing such a thing as this. Even if this other person who I have my eye on is not interested in me at all.

After I recieved the news of my Hgb level rise, I immediately thought of taking a vacation to my favorite destination - Malaysia. Hopefully I will be able.

And I am to start my Masters on September. It's unclear though where I would pursue it, although it would be in Oman. I wonder if SQU offers Masters degrees?

If I am well enough, I might even enroll myself into a gym for a year so I can get into shape. Anyone know any good gym that offers individual training?

That's the list of things that I would like to do.

Unfornately for me they are a bit far away from this moment which I am held in. This moment of where time is standing still for me for some reason or another. And I wish I could break free of the paradigm. Should I take anti depressants?

Many are the times that I myself have imagined myself dying the way my friend had. So God is just extending the jail term for me. I wish it was me who had gone and not my friend. I would finished from this life.

Yes. I do wish I was dead.