Dillema of Dillemas

I just don't think I can take it anymore.

I know I am supposed to act all positive and everything. And that I am supposed to hold within me some sort of passive sense of self-motivation. But I don't have it in me anymore. I have the lost the will to fight for anything.

I tried so many times to get up and attempt to make it on my own. But life keeps throwing casualties in my face. I am told that I am not old. But when you think of it, if I am going to get any progress done; it might as well be now or never. Else I will face dire consequences of having to deal with things that I should have dealt with when I was younger. But I didn't have the chance because of many factors.

I still have to find a place for me life. I know I am a good writer and I have put that will to the test, be it in the sense of writing poetry, short articles for theweek, or short stories for the Horizon newsletter in Sultan Qaboos University.

I aspire to become a very well known writer. That's my goal. Yet, my goal will only get me so far in my life should I choose to live furtheron here in Oman. And then I would have to deal with many other things such as my medical situation, plus the fact that I am still single.

So single isn't a problem to many of you - in fact, most of you. But to me, it is a case of insercurity. And I udnerstand that I cannot go on with that unless I get myself properly employed to own up to my responsibilities. But fact is, no one's willing to give me a chance. Dozens of CVs are sent within a month's time and still no answer. And when I say I want to a proper job I mean one that would that would suitably compensate for 4 years worth of Business Administration degree studying and not getting underpaid just because that's 'company policy'.

But still, the future ahead of us is still unclear - is it not?