the profound meaning of life

My second day out.

Not really entertaining since I stay inside during the morning time to avoid the heat and doctor's orders to have some nice peaceful quite without anxiety.

Anxiety.

Now there's a funny word that I never thought I would ever mention - ever. I am a nervous wreck when I don't know what to do. I simply panic. There were many a times in that hospital bed when I had so much conflicting pain in my bones and muscles that it just seemed that everything was closing in on me. I was actually reading out my last prayers while I was on that bed when it was one of those times. That's how ... lonely, I guess the word would be is how I felt.

You can all go ahead an laugh at just how stupid it must have felt or just say to yourself that I am a complete wimp for being the person I am and not having enough toleration be man enough.

But I have a different explanation altogether.

I had recollected those days when I was looking to the white hospital ceiling and ending up almost having a proper conversation with it by thinking of what I had done in the past. The good; the bad; the embarassing - you get the picture already.

But the click here was that I had registered a moment in my life that if I had gotten out of this I would try to change myself to the better. To become a much better person. Smile when I am sad. Laugh when I am angry. Something that would prove otherwise to change the personality within. Something to make things turn around.

And at this point in time, I would be the most selfish being in the world but in a humantarian way. In a way that would change things within me and the way the world, in turn, would revolve around me.

There's a business saying that if you can't change the environment around the people to get to them (the people), then try changing the culture. In that same sense, I am trying to change the culture of things that surround me. Instead of being gloomy 21 and a half hours of the days sulking on the past (and I know I have said this many a times), then I would adopt to a new philosophy in life.

The philosophy of hope. Warmth. Smile. Twinkling eyes. Restful soul.

All that yabba dabba stuff.

It's amazing that we take so much for granted that we neglect to see the minute details in life that we are missing that offer so much of a profound meaning in our lives.

Isn't it?