Monday, September 18, 2006

the profound meaning of life

My second day out.

Not really entertaining since I stay inside during the morning time to avoid the heat and doctor's orders to have some nice peaceful quite without anxiety.

Anxiety.

Now there's a funny word that I never thought I would ever mention - ever. I am a nervous wreck when I don't know what to do. I simply panic. There were many a times in that hospital bed when I had so much conflicting pain in my bones and muscles that it just seemed that everything was closing in on me. I was actually reading out my last prayers while I was on that bed when it was one of those times. That's how ... lonely, I guess the word would be is how I felt.

You can all go ahead an laugh at just how stupid it must have felt or just say to yourself that I am a complete wimp for being the person I am and not having enough toleration be man enough.

But I have a different explanation altogether.

I had recollected those days when I was looking to the white hospital ceiling and ending up almost having a proper conversation with it by thinking of what I had done in the past. The good; the bad; the embarassing - you get the picture already.

But the click here was that I had registered a moment in my life that if I had gotten out of this I would try to change myself to the better. To become a much better person. Smile when I am sad. Laugh when I am angry. Something that would prove otherwise to change the personality within. Something to make things turn around.

And at this point in time, I would be the most selfish being in the world but in a humantarian way. In a way that would change things within me and the way the world, in turn, would revolve around me.

There's a business saying that if you can't change the environment around the people to get to them (the people), then try changing the culture. In that same sense, I am trying to change the culture of things that surround me. Instead of being gloomy 21 and a half hours of the days sulking on the past (and I know I have said this many a times), then I would adopt to a new philosophy in life.

The philosophy of hope. Warmth. Smile. Twinkling eyes. Restful soul.

All that yabba dabba stuff.

It's amazing that we take so much for granted that we neglect to see the minute details in life that we are missing that offer so much of a profound meaning in our lives.

Isn't it?

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

then i will be the negativity-police. if i catch you sounding gloomy or depressed i will penalize you.

Sleepless In Muscat said...

Anonymous:

lol

and how exactly do you intend to do that when you don't know me or know where I am or have any authority over me?

*e7m*

Shaykhspeara Sha'ira said...

Salam ali, haven't been here in a while. Just read on MD's you had been unwell and now better. I hope inshallah God grants you health and happiness always.

Love the new look on your blog. Take care.

3anooda said...

salamat - was away on holiday and just came back to see the new look. must admit. i like. very much.

bil3afiah inshallah

Sleepless In Muscat said...

Shaykhspeara Sha'ira:

Thanks for your wishes. I am becoming better by the day due to your well wishes.

:o)

3anooda:

welcome back!

that was a short holiday you had..hmm.

Hope Morroco was good .. te he he.

-hamsa- said...

for once i am speechless!.. for what can one say to a youngster who faces pain every day...whatever we say can't make the pain go away...nor it makes it more tolerable...

what you wonderfully wrote has touched me so deeply and i can relate to it!...i have a daughter of my own..who faces the pain every single day..it breaks my heart but there is nothing that i can do or do that makes things better ..and the feeling of helplessness kills me inside..but then i think life has to go on and that i should be strong for her sake...i used to tell anyone that life is what we make it cause I truly believe in that..there are things beyond our control and we can't do anything to stop them..but how we deal with them is totally up to us...we can torture our selves by a negative attitude or we can have a positive perspective in life which help us to tolerate any thing...true! but then how can anyone deal with pain!..there is no way you can get used to it!..Allah yeshfey aljamee3…ameen

Sleepless In Muscat said...

Hamsa:

thank you for you wonderful words..

I greatly appreciate your understanding of the situation that people with pain go through and I sincerely hope that your daughter and all your loved ones never have to suffer ever again inshallah..

-hamsa- said...

inshaAllah jamee3an...my daughter has diabetes ( it has been almost three years now) she has to take four insulin injections every day.....and some unfortunate days she faces the low sugar episodes too! ..not to mention the risk that she faces of the serious complications that come along with diabetes in the long run..

there are no cure for diabetes at the present time...but i always tell her that never give up hope..that someday there will be inshaAllah a cure...many experiments are going on now..but nothing is for sure still...i pray for that day to come soon..and I will tell you the same..never give up...one day there inshaAllah be a cure for your illness too...Allah kareem..always believe in that…

Sleepless In Muscat said...

Hamsa:

thank you again for your prayers and I do believe that there will one day be a cure found for any illness inshallah, whether in our time or the next.

I know that God will never leave His subjects alone as long as they have faith in Him.

Inshallah your daughter's case will be cured before it comes to the very serious condition..

My sincerest hopes for all your family members and loved ones to a better healthier and much easier lifestyle this Ramadhan and the days coming after, inshallah..