The Haunting..

I would have thought that life was a bit easier than physics. Turns out that the latter is a piece of cake in comparison.

I try not to think about the matter. But the more I don't the more I actually do - subconciously.

Dumbfound it..

Stop haunting my thoughts - please

A Lot Like Love

Don’t even get me started. Enough about love already.

Why did I even watch it? Because I was drawn to it. That and the fact that I had to because I bought something like 19 DVDs from Malaysia and they’re just stacked upon each other waiting for me to reach out, grab one of them so it could be watched.

It was recommended by a person (which is yet another reason why I watched it) and the recommendation came quite strong plus the fact that I like ‘chic flicks’ (who would’ve thunk?).

Damn.

Now I feel the need to share this with someone special...

Word Verification

Folks, you'll have to excuse me. But I have turned on 'word verification' option for this blog because lately there has been a spread of people who are taking advantage of the 'anonymous user' option to posting comments on blogs with indecent comments.

Basically, all you'll be asked to do is to verify after posting your comment that you're as human as you can ever be by typing in the letters you see in front of you, that's all.

It's a piece of cake..

I apologize again..

God's great sense of humor

You wanna know something new?


I found out quite lately something unique about maybe two days ago.

I found that: God has a great sense of humor. Never leaves you alone for one second no matter what situation you’re in. And it’s great to know such a thing.

For instance, as I was in Malaysia during my stroll in the malls I was trying to avoid as much as I could seeing people in couples; be it people with children, teenagers holding hands, or anything related to such a thing. But wherever I went I always bumped into them. They were literally everywhere. And then it struck me. I finally realized that it was something unavoidable; predestined – more like fate. Which is something that you can’t avoid but you would have to make something out of it to become ‘destined’ – if you know what I mean.

And I just smiled. But as much as I smiled, I was quite depressed in the inside. Knowing that I have now turned 27 and still single sounded  like a big utter failure to my ears. And the point of having to keep looking was ever eating me inside out. So I had decided to stop looking – period. It just makes me so depressed that I keep on attempting to connect when the line falls dead. It’s worse than OmanTel. ;o)

And then I read a horoscope today in last week’s ‘theweek’ saying something meaningful. It basically was saying that I would end up in bitter situations throughout the coming days but if I tried to look at them from another angle then I would end up with the lighter side and things would change to the better. And mind you, I don’t believe in horoscopes (I call them ‘horror-scopes’ because they mostly mislead people to believe that there is such a thing called “luck”). And I pretty much look at this way now.

And that’s what makes this story funny. I was ‘lead’ to that decision because God wanted to show me in His own special, unique – yet, humorous – way that it’s the way I look at things and interpret them that lead me to my decisions in my life.

But it still hasn’t cured my itch for finding someone who truly believes that there lies ‘life out there’.

Only difference is that: that ‘life’ lies here on Earth – right in front of my eyes.

What is love?

It's getting harder to live day by day
The loneliness I invite in
The path I take with it
Leaves me wondering at bay

I shuffle my life
Only to see
The holliness that others hold
To what romance is to me

Gazing at the stars
Only to finally recognize
That love is just an obsession
Made up by silly dreams and lies

I find myself now at the crossroad
Between what's meant to be and what's not
And it seems to me that everything that I ever thought meant to be
Holds a grudge

Romance isn't the white rose you give to someone you love
Nor is it the words that your heart shouts out in mere silence in your love's presence
Or is it the way you look at them when you can't help it

Love is: when you miss the person for long periods of time
When all you wish from them is a 'hello'; or a 'hi'; or 'I hope you're ok, maybe we should talk sometime'
Love is: the sudden thump of your heart beating against your chest
The sudden race of your breath
The thoughts you can't hold within yourself

And oh, how the mighty have fallen
By the one and only thing they truly believed in

Its getting harder to live day by day
A flower can only be a flower
A touch can be a touch
But the love of a heart
Is a tree with no leaves
A sunset on the beach with no sun
When you wake up alone in your bed with no one to call your own

Home 'Sweet' Home

So I'm back in Oman. And I felt relieved that there was a bed just waiting for me because I was so damn tired I could have fainted from not sleeping.. lol

I hadn't shaved in ages and I really did look like Papa Smurf - ha ha.

Here's a story for you though; I was going through the customs area in the airport. The policeman whispers to another fellow 'team-mate' of his that something was wrong. I had a suspicion that they were talking about my baggage as it went through the x-ray machine. And the other guy comes up to me and asks me to step to the side so he could take a look into the bags. Lol. Fine and dandy, I say.

So he points to the handheld one that had all my medication. And even I got frustrated. What's so special about this one? As I opened it - he takes out all my medication and asks me if I was sick. He he he. And I was like - should I really answer that question? loooool. I said yes. He woke up another person who was in his R.E.M stage and the guy comes over asks him 'what?' - he says 'check out that guys pills'. And I wanted to wallop him.

Anyhow. He checks out my pills and I say him that they've all been prescribed to me by SQU hospital. He checks out another two sachettes and he tells me to move on.

Another thing: whatever you do - be careful you don't have a stopover at Karachi airport. They are the worst. Simply the worst. They treated us like shit, I'm telling ya.

Oh, well. Its good to be back.. in some way.

the way back home

So today is the last day of this trip.

Tomorrow I would be leaving Penang to Kuala Lumpur heading towards Dubai and Oman.

Not much drama to be seen here, unfortunately.

Here's hoping that everything goes smoothly tomorrow..

adios

Thank you: From Birth to Existence

I'd like to say to the world a few things here..

Thank you for not being there when I needed you to comfort me.
Thank you for always doubting in me and shudding my eyes from the truth that needed to be known.
Thank you for not sharing your emotions with me and making strategic moves to open up past wounds over and over again at night before I go to sleep.
Thank you for not answering my prayers.
Thank you for showing me that you really don't care about pitifull soul like me.
And last but not least, thank you for bringing me to this point of self destruction..

From this point I no longer sign myself off as the ever naieve, ever witting, nice character Ghosty but I will be known as The Prowler

What hope?

Life doesn't stop here. Not after you have had a nice trip.

No.

If it ever should stop, then that would be the day that pigs fly. Or when cows jump over the moon or when you hang yourself over a tree branch. Something like that.

Life ends when there is no hope to hang on to anymore.

Thats when it ends.

There's still lots to try on to bring you down once again - 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' and stronger it does make you to hold everything you hold dearly to yourself vanish into obliveince.

By then, family, friends, special people in your life won't matter at all. At all.

That's what everyone should aim at. Because by then we would achieve what it wants us to believe. That there is no hope in this world.

And that my friends, is supposedly, where I am going.

Turning point?

I don't think I'll ever be the same after this trip - ever

Don't Laugh

Yes. I got to Penang, alright. And here I was thinking that it was gonna be a breeze. My hotel is like almost an hour or more distance from Penang International Airport.

Before I go any further, word of warning; never book yourself in Penang into a hotel called the City Bayview Hotel in Georgetown: Penang.

The service is the worst. The people there don't deal with you in courtesy. Everytime you bump into one of their staff, you find them try to lure you into a massage session by their 'beautiful and experienced' female staff. Today I tried to find a table for my breakfast and I complained to one of their managers about it and his response to me was: 'Sorry, sir. No place' as he fled the scene into the kitchen.

Stupid people are everywhere. Even here in Penang. I got two calls at 8 & 8:15am from a guy trying to get in touch with another who had the proposed room number. And I shouted into the mouthpiece of the phone that he had the wrong number. Dumbass.

Another thing I noticed is that each of these hotels supposedly think that all their guests like to drink liquor or alcohol, because that's all they stuff their minibars with. And in return the guest has to provide a deposit that should he consume anything or use any of the local/international phone call facilities provided by the hotel, that this amount (around 200 US Dollars) would cover it. I had to repeat myself over and over again that I don't want these 'services' and that I would rather hang on to my money should I need it. And this proved a very valid point in the City Bayview; because it wasn't up to the 4 star level that I had imagined it should be. The last two hotels in Kuala Lumpur (which of were of the same star category) had much better class.

The place that I live in here is a dumpster. I'm sorry to say. Sewers open. Trash everywhere. And even as pathetic as this may sound: no hot water. And the nearest place of decency around is a shopping mall that is about 45 minutes walk away from the hotel and that has only 2 restaurants McDonald's & KFC. And not one grocery in sight. I mean, do these people live on fast food or what?

This has me changing my mind about ever coming back here.

Penang

So tomorrow I move to Penang for the 4 last days of this journey here in Malaysia. Although I don't think that I would count the 4th day because I would be flying back to Oman. And I won't even give you the time when I do arrive there (i.e.: Oman) so I don't get picked up. Never know who I insulted at all - he he he - kidding.

Penang has a bigger population of Chinese Malaysians than it does of orginal Malaysians. But the people there are still nice - last time I checked, that is.

The weather forecast for the next few days is still in scattered showers. Its making the weather cold here and thats the kind of weather that could possibly cause me to have a fever. Fortunately I haven't had one since I came to Sunway Lagoon (since it has a central air conditioning system and a built in ice rink in its mall, too).

And I know that winter is coming up in Oman so I am going to try to hold off some things until I am sure about what's on my mind and then I would make an important future decision. Sounds a bit like the Terminator.

Anyhoo - if I get access to an internet cafe there I'll be in touch, otherwise, see ya soon in Oman..

Adios

Herbie: Fully Loaded

Most of us who grew up on watching cartoons and kids series back in the 70's and 80's would remember the different types that came out such as the Pink Panther; Tom & Jerry; Bugs Bunny and his 'wascially' gang of fiends.

Disney, however had a different concept of approaching the child within us by producing Mickey Mouse & his gang of creative, yet, fun and adorable friends of all sorts of creatures. It also produced numerous movies that taught of many different things such as family values and such. Serials such as Flipper; Lassy taught us how to look at the world in a child's point of view.

As time progressed, it was time also for Disney to start on a new trail of competition - in a manner of speaking - to stand out through the crowd with its most loveable character yet. A car. And not just any car. A car that drew attention to it because it would fight for the simplest things - bring out the rebillious feelings that we so eagerly hold in. That car would be: Herbie.

This year, the company decided to bring the cute '53' bug back to life in the movie industry but with a little twist. It was Fully Loaded with the latest engineering techniques, spruced up, moved in, ready for any action needed on the motor track. Add to that the enthusiasm of both it and its driver Lindsey Lohan 'Maggs'; and you've got yourself one hell of an awesome family movie that it is worth seeing - even for the toddlers!

This movie is high recommendable because its prepacked with all the fun; laughter; and drama that this car bring out in us. Don't miss it.

The Corner

Don't talk to me about women
I simply can't understand
Why they try to heed you in
And then pretend

That they're not into you
They don't feel the way that you do
About them

Telling you its been a hard time
Or they just want to be alone
By saying the magic phrase "Lets just be friends"

Sick of women that turn me on
Having to google at me like they mean 'let's get it on'

And when you do try
You end up in tears and cry
Like everything you ever imagined was a whole lie
And you're denied that simple feeling of passion that tries so much to hide

What a true waste it is
In order to find a truthful relationship
After so many tries you'd think
You'd be blessed not messed up and sick

Why is it dear God
That you created a species
That makes you feel lonesome and gloomy
But when you're with them you feel its something special?

Why dear God
Is it, why?
That everytime I try
I fail? Even though it is a dying tail. Why?

I feel the pressure of the world upon me
Trying to mantain it but can't hold on much longer
Its slipping from my hands
The problems, I don't understand
Maybe. Just maybe. I'll sit in my corner (?)

so what's left now?

what's left to do now?

25th August would be my birthday - not that I am expecting anything special to happen on that day mind you.

27th August would be the day I come back to Oman and is also the day my younger sister would celebrate her birthday.

28th August - I have a hospital appointment for a brief check up on my health situation.

as you can all see - nothing much to be done.

i guess it will be back to the usual 'working hours'

purged dreams (phooey style)

wait a second

just one more second

nope

its not going..

that feeling of feeling blue is just not going.

how stupid am i to feel this way? i should be happy not sad. i should be smiling, laughing not forwning. burns my heart that i feel this way. really does. howcome is it when you feel down and blue that you feel that you're the only one who ever has a problem. like the whole world doesn't matter at all? some crazy dude had jumped to his death in Kuala Lumpur a few days back and it came on the TV news; phooey. Malaysia now allows smokers who have or suspect that they have lung cancer or other related cancer side affects to sew tobacco companies beginning the end of this month; so what? Its not like someone hit them on their hand and told them to buy the stuff and they knew about all the dangers when they started it. Dumbasses. One time a woman sued McDonald's for not telling her that her tea was hot. Its tea for crying out loud. Just another way to get money. Phooey phooey phooey.

Absolute phooey.

Out of My Head

Tip tap goes the shoe
She sees him but he see who?
The world to the both of them is a box pair of shoes
One to go left and the other to make you go right so you can feel lonely and blue

Lonely is the night that I see
Lonely is the room in that I sleep
Freedom is what I chose, and this is what I heed
The pattern of discontration that I feel

This world of mine
Only feels cold and blue
Because my life
Is without you

Favorite quote of the day
"come what may"
til the day
It happens to you

Superficial nonsense
Backed up by the mental fence
Serves me right to get into that kind of bullshit
Position: vacant

Don't quote me, this is me out of my head

Court is now in session..

Now it's becoming a bit lonely here. Even with all the special things and attractions that Malaysia has to offer. But it makes me feel lonely because I have no one to share it with. Yes. Yes. Yes. I'm back on that old record again. So if you feel like going on to another webpage or blog - be my guest. I couldn't give a rat's ass about it.

I wish that I was back in Oman but I would rather be in Oman and not having to talk or see the people I am related too. Nasty? Perhaps. Selfish? Possibly. But truth to be told that's how I feel right now. This trip has made me realize that no matter how bad Oman can be in summer that I still miss it. Mushy talk aside. It's also stressed the need for me to get familiarized with someone who walk down the lifeline with me til the end of my days - or theirs.

But that will not divert me from the final decision to avoid contact with the female species for as long as it takes to get my act back together. This decision was reached beause I still have a lot to do when I get back home. 2nd book promotion being one of them. My Masters (although I won't be applying for it now - maybe by February). And throughout that time period, taking care of myself health-wise.

But just seeing that big amount of people all young and within couples holding hand in hand seriously takes the fun out of it. I wish I didn't have to see that all the time. Its as if someone up there is actually mocking at me and laughing His head off clapping hand and knees rolling over on the clouds and shouting out in between 'look at you and look at them!' - what a serious bummer.

I told someone once 'what was meant to be was meant to be and what was not will not'. I was trying to comfort myself in those words because I actually believe in that concept - most of the time. But when it comes to personal matters it kinda shuts down the engine before hyperventelation happens and I lose control over my grip on my emotion and act all cocky. Turns out I'm not the cool dude everyone (at least I think everyone) thinks that I am.

And I have also come to realize that I also have a problem within me. A few. Ok; a lot of problems. But this is one of those I have realized recently. I put myself down to the point that I believe everything I say about me. Those parts which I hold upon myself about being ugly, stupid and such, that's what I mean. And to be honest, I feel it is right. Because on one side I dont want to bring hopes up for myself so I don't get such a hot head full of ideas and things, y'know? But on the other hand that has backfired on me that it affects my personality. My being. My ... how can I say it? My ... integrity - that would be the correct word that I would use here.

Integrity in the sense that I can no longer be held responsible to act as an adult. Ok, that didn't sound right. Let me rephrase that: Integrity that people would have confidence to trust with things to dealth with in my daily lives.

I think I am losing it ..

ps: and as usual - no one ever replies to these posts because they find them quite boring or uninteresting. That's ok. I don't expect anyone to understand a single word from all this crap.

Day five in Malaysia

So, it's Friday and I moved over the Pyramid Towers Hotel in the Sunway Lagoon Valley. And what a relief it is to have a bigger room! Phew! I tell you folks, next time you plan to go on holiday just remember to give the travel agent your specs (i.e.: width; height, etc.). You never know, the next time you're booked into a hotel, you'll be sleeping in a box.

And this place is so much more livelier. He he he..

There's a connection to the mall that you could go into which has everything. I tried to bargain off between trading in my phone and the new Sony Ericsson but some dude thought he could rip me off by valuing it at 45 Rials! Cheepskate! Especially when I was getting offered 90 Rials for it in Kuala Lumpur. But I'm not interested in the Sony Ericsson anymore. I want to get the Motorrola A780 which has an outside keypad and an inside touch screen for more advanced uses. It is one wicked phone I'm telling you. But it's damn expensive. Costs around the 200 Rials mark. So I guess I will have to wait until I come back to Oman to get it. Hopefully it will be offered for less than that. I hope.

And yet again this place is so full of Arabs and Europeans to my surprise. I guess this is the aftershock of having those bombings in London; Cairo; and the earthquake in Turkey. Because it is full.

I wish I could talk more about what's on my mind but if I did that then my blog would probably be shut down because of my use of words. I guess I will have to keep that to myself.

Blog you next time.

My new current hit

This is the song that is playing almost 24 hours on the waves of Malaysian radio and its really cool if you listen to it goes along as a compilation with Hoobastank's "The Reason". Crossfade's "Cold" is the best rock song ever since Linkin Park came out with their debute album in opinion.

Here are the words to the song:

Crossfade: "Cold"

Looking back at me I see
That I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I'm always wrapped up in
Things I cannnot win
You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong
Like a drug that gets me high

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold to you

And I'm sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
You could see me stand on my own again
Cause now i can see
You were the antidote that got me by
Something strong like a drug that got me high
I never meant to be so cold

I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I guess for me theres just no hope
I never meant to be so cold

The Crossfade band official website (requires Flash)

Introducing: The Prowler..

The minute I got out of the hotel today I thought that it was a great fresh new day to embrace. To feel that nice weather upon your face.

What happened next just proved that there is someone out there trying to knock me off that special mood which I needed so much; it had been raining since 5am. And not just drizzle or little tiddy bits of pitty pat water drops. No. It had been raining cats and dogs. And canaries, too. And if the rain drops had been any larger we would have had cows dropping down from the sky, too. Talk about instant delivery of dairy products - not exactly your cup of tea.

It was flooding. But the good thing that the water seemed to go somewhere which is the reason why the streets got dry so fast after the pouring had lightened up a bit later on.

Tomorrow I get to go to my 2nd hotel destination - the Pyramid Towers Hotel in Sunway Lagoon district. I'm kinda excited I guess because I don't know what the hotel is like plus the fact that the Sunway Lagoon area is a great resort for those who just want everything within a grasp's reach. For instance, Sunway Lagoon Hotel is connected to a gigantic mall; an ice skating rink; a cinema; a water theme park; swimming pools; its own amusement park for kids and adults - I could just go on and on. I had been told earlier by my travel agent that it is the same case with this hotel I am heading to tomorrow. So, fingers crossed.

I hadn't slept all night last night, too. What is it with me? I keep trying to get to sleep but just can't focus my mind on it. And its affecting me badly in someway because I doze off for about half an hour or so in the middle of a crowd which is really embarassing.

Wonder how many DVDs am I allowed to bring into Oman? Last time the Policeman at the Seeb Airport customs area almost confiscated all 30 from me had it not been for the time - which was 4am. This time I had bought some really great new titles all worth 800 Baizas each (at a total of 11) not to mention two PC video games. Plus I am thinking of buying a WiFi card for my laptop (can anyone tell me what is the cheapest price for them in Oman so I can make a decision, quick?)..

I am having 2nd thoughts about certain future plans that I had already announced previously (i.e.: Masters; Dentistry's; and gym enrollment).. I am just in a phase that I need to get my head straight, sorry. And for those who have a problem about my reluctance on this issue - you can stuff it.

The Prowler

No Reason to Run

He hears the banging on the door
Bang bang bang, the thumps come to roar

Steps up to open it only to see
That it's him again with a face that could only be described as a grizzly
Charged in with full might
He tries to shut him out - he wouldn't come down without a fight

The lights break down
The temper is over a frown
The keys are locked in
Anger is the enemy that has set in

Running
Running
Up the staircase

Up to where
He thought
That freedom lays

Close the door
Behind me
I lock it in
He won't catch me

A mighty kick
A door slams down
Wallop goes the baseball bat
That's in his hands

Stop

He wouldn't listen

Stop

The drunken 'pedestrian'

Stop

His bod lifeless - dead

Birds and trees
Are all I ever hear
Now

The pain has gone
The setting of the Sun
No reason to run, no reason to be afraid - now

Picture this

Last night I couldn't get to sleep at all. I kept twisting and turning until the bed sheets just gave up on me and threw themselves on the hotel floor. Talk about giving up easily. Plus the fact that I had a severe headache that just didn't want to go away for some reason or another. I swear I was this close to becoming one of those Japanese people shouting out some unknown Japanese stuff from the top of their lungs. And that's no piece of cake, I can tell you that much.

Back to Malaysia.

If it were April here, and you wanted to play a mean joke on someone on the very first day of that month, then you should send them through a passage way of restaurants here in one of the Malaysian malls. I almost threw up from the smell. And I thought carbondioxide was intoxicating.

I know what you're all thinking now; you're thinking does this guy have anything nice ever to blog about? Well, my answer to you is: duh!

The people are still really nice. The chics are ..ok. The weather is fine.

Oh and I did find out that some people never change. For instance, if you go to a currency exchange shop, they are the same cold accountants who have no other job than talking to Benjamin, Franklin and Roosevelt all day long. And so help them if one should ever interfere with that romantic greenish attraction between those two lovebirds. Sheesh.

Kuala Lumpur is crowded with Arabs. I can't differentiate between the Saudis and Kuwaitis because their women all dress up in the same Penguin dress - he he - sorry ladies. I think they bring along their husbands for either of two reasons; 1) to watch what he does and should he try anything dumb not to mention stupid. And 2) to use him as a rear view mirror. Just as well though, because half the women who aren't wearing a ninja outfit have really bad moustaches that you almost mistake them for a man who hasn't had a haircut in ayons.

I wish I could have posted pictures of my trip here but I had to get me a prepaid card since I was using a Nawras Ajel card from Oman. They hadn't been able to patch up roaming to Malaysia just yet but their saying that will definitely happen within this century. But I did manage to record some guys doing break dancing moves. Unfortunately they cannot be posted onto blogspot because it doesn't support phone media files or it does and I don't know about it (I will have to check it out when I get back to Oman).

Anyhow..

See ya all around..

And here's mine..

Following Noors' post about a new song that has been in her head for a while now I've decided to confide here about mine. It's not as new as Mariah Carey's but it does wonders to me when I listen to it. Hope you like it as well. Check it out:

"The Reason"

I'm not a perfect person

There's many things I wish I didn't do

But I continue learning

I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you

It's something I must live with everyday

And all the pain I put you through

I wish that I could take it all away

And be the one who catches all your tears

Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

and the reason is You

[x4]I'm not a perfect person

I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show

A side of me you didn't know

A reason for all that I do

And the reason is you

The Hoobastank band official website

D.O.A.

8 long hours of flight and when I got to my hotel here in Malaysia I was totally beat. It was around 11pm when I got there (the hotel). Went out to grab me a bite from somewhere near and to my suprise there was an Arabic restaurant that was only a small walking distance away. 2 kabab sandwhiches, french fries and a Pepsi at my hotel room later on - I was snoring away.

Didn't even bother to get up for breakfast. I was so damn tired. By the time I got up it was 2pm here (by the way, its a +4 hour difference between Oman and Malaysia), took a nice long hot shower, dressed up and went out.

And what makes things easier for me is that my hotel is stamped in the middle of 4 great big 6 floor high, street wide, malls from all corners. Shoppers paradise!

Weather here is nice and cool. Everything is so cool here. But all I can say is that when I am alone in my room - thinking - it makes me feel so alone. Next time I plan on taking a trip outside of Oman I am not going alone. And I am not talking about my family..

'tis Was The Night 'afore..

So, it's tonight that I will leave for Malaysia.

I will have to be up before 3am after midnight here to be able to get to the airport by 4 or 4:30am to catch a flight from here (Muscat) to Dubai (UAE) that departs by 6:30am. So I decided to stay up the whole night probably watching DVDs or something. It'll be cool. I think. ;o)

I will keep on blogging from Malaysia and what goes on with me over there so please stay in touch with my blog unless you don't like it and you're like 'snuff it', then that's up to you.

I should be back to Muscat again by the 27th of August nightime. I still have to check and confirm my return-bounding tickets.

So I will bid you adiew (I know that's not how you spell it but I am rubbish at that language - what can I say?) and hope to see your posts flowing in, still while I am there and as I will be back.

Take care y'all..

An Open Book

How many times has it been since you have been in touch with yourself emotionally? How many times has it been since you last knew what it was you really wanted in your life? When was it last that you felt that without that; you're nothing, imperfect - just a mirage?

I feel now that I know what I want from my life. What I would like to be. Who I want to share my life with. The kind of life I wish to create for myself. The kind of friends I wish to hang around with. I feel that I know now this more than ever in the past.

But how is this possible?

I mean, it was only a little time ago that I didn't know my nose from my foot. And now this?

Does it matter really? To some it doesn't - to me, it does.

I want to learn the art of marketing through advertisements, promotional debutes and such. I want to be able to direct people to the right way of putting their image for the camera of life. An angle which many people dispute that it has many complications.

I want a woman who will want me for me. Someone who will accept me as I am and not try to alter my personality or anything else for that matter within me. Although there will be comprimises, I realize, but that shouldn't stop negotiations for the look of the other half of my soul.

I hate smoking & drinking, so I expect my friends to be of the same. To be able to share jokes and be open-minded about many issues within our lives. Differences of opinion will only makes become more closer to each other.

I want to die happily knowing that I have done everything with the very person that I love all my life has always been there with me through thick and thin. And I don't mind having to go to the extreme to show my passion for them either. I am one love-sick fool when it comes to matter of the heart.

I am as all my friends and family have acknowledged.. An open book.

Dear Princess (series - part 2)

Dear Princess,

Don't say I didn't try
The life I will live before I die

Given the hopes and dreams to someone anew
Life will produce chances and wash away my sorry little blues

Forgiveness is a Godly manner
To suspect that you wouldn't would cause me such a bother

I have passed the phase of lies and dreams
Where reality was anything but to be achieved

Flip a coin to know the truth
Luck will never help you unless you help you

Face the chance, the challenge that obstructs your way
Favor the bliss not the singing Harmonica of the Devil that walks by you on a hot day

Feelings overcome
Blinded? I don't know

Sit at home and sulk away with sighs
Or release your spirit up to the skies?

Insanely yours,
The passion that follows through

2 days to go..

Count down has commenced to going to Malaysia. In 2 days I start off my trip to the Malaysian cities; Kuala Lampur; Sunway Lagoon district; and Penang.

This would be the third time round that I am going there. And I absolutely love the place. You can never get enough of it.

Maybe next time - if I am working - I could probably get a short holiday to go to Glasgow; Scotland - the UK. It's where I got my English language teaching during the Primary school period.

Seriously, I feel really happy to get out of the country because it has been so long that I had been down in the dumps and now the chance has presented itself. How cool is that, huh?

Wow. I want to do a lot of things there. Wake up to a spalsh of cold swimming pool water. Probably breakfast in bed. Sightseeing in China town. Maybe see the Petronas Towers. Buy a lot of stuff is another thing which I want to do.

Here, I come!

What's up doc?

I really feel that somehow something has to change about me. Significantly. Something that touches the core of my soul. One which will have a profound impact on my life in a positive manner.

I need to make things look more brighter than the sun Sun that we revolve around on this solid Earth that hardly ever makes sense any time given. When you're sad you're thinking why does this happen to me or why does this or that ever get to happen and you think of the many reasons behind it that should have made a change in the past. But you know what? None of those count because you and I can't change the past. No one can. I have done a million things in my past that I truly regret on doing. Things that some people would consider not worth giving a shit about. Pardon my language here. But point that I am trying to make here is that when given a chance I will go around and forget about all those thoughts and how much they meant to me when I was in need in order to make me feel better but when I am up. I am up and about doing things and this and that and just forgetting the fact that I am up is proof. Proof that someone out there is looking down on me.

Some people call him God. Others call him the Great Spirit. I tend of think of him as my Pal. Someone who would always lend a hand when you need him, but only at the right moment in time. Someone who listen to you, giving you an ear to pound your heart's aches out instead of a shrink. Someone who will always look after you when you don't. Taking you on a journey of discovery of where you thought many things impossible making it possible. Bounding you by yourself and your spiritual personality.

I could use some of that right now.

Tomorrow morning (Thursday) I would probably wake up feeling all good and cheerful but I will still have this thought in the back of my mind.

I still have that thought of being lonely and needing to talk to someone about what goes on in my mind. I guess that's stupid. Having that feeling of needing to talk to someone 24/7.

That's why a person at College told me that I was born with all the stupidity in the world pumped into my brain. Probably the reason behind why I am not what you would call 'marriage material'. Probably even the reason why I find it so difficult on progressing positively in my life, education, and health.

And that takes me to purpose behind all that big talk: I need to change. But I can't do it on my own. I need someone to support me should I trip and fall.

I need to know that I can depend on someone to talk about the progress that I make.

Is there a doctor in the house?

And the award goes to..

Oman Mobile has finally kicked the bucket. Lost it. Gone off it's rocker. They truly deserve the award for the worst advertiser in the Sultanate of Oman.

I was out today (Wednesday) and I had decided already to go for the movie Wedding Crashers, which, was showing at Shatti Plaza. Anyhow. That's not the point here. The point behind this is that during the commercials before they view the feature movie, up came an advertisement for our beloved Oman Mobile. Now most of us in the cinema - and I am very sure of this including Muscati and OD who I happen to run into at the same movie - had no idea this advert was for the mobile company. And worse it really had nothing to do with a mobile company other than a butterfly. Yes, you read right. A butterfly.

A butterfly pitter pattering across deserts, cities, meadows and long fields of green to get to a girl who's only line is "Oman Mobile".

If that says anything about them, it says that they should fire the person behind the advert and their marketing advisor. Because it was truly and utterly crap.

Here's their link.

Congrats Oman Mobile. Another simple job gone down the drain.

Sony Ericsson K750i

This is the Sony Ericsson K750i. I was checking it out recently because I feel I wanna change my phone which is the Nokia 6670. I have had my phone for quite a while and I figured with everything changing to the better and my trip to Malaysia coming up and everything I might as well opt for a change in the human accessory guide.

Hence there came the idea of getting this phone. My information about the phone is that it has 2 megapixel capability in its camera system - this means that the photos you take with the phone camera are of better quality than those of a 1.3 megapixel such as the Nokia range so far. Plus not to mention a built auto focus in image quality ... so the next time you're taking a picture and it's a bit far and you're worried it won't come out right - don't. 262,000 colors. And a flash.

Then come the other standard features with this phone such as support for Bluetooth, Infrared, and a USB 2.0 computer connection cable. Also support for mp3 ringtones as well as polyphonic and monophonic types. Video and sound recording capability.

However, it does have its disadvantages, especially here in Oman. One, being too costly selling at roughly around the 160 mark (if you were to trade a phone like mine you would be paying 80 Rials less). SonyEricsson phones also don't have that much support here in terms of software and hardware repairs and should you find anyone who would - they would ask you to bend over first if you know what I mean. In addition, this specific model for the brand offers only 34 MB Ram worth of internal disk space, but then again you get a memory card that offers an additional 64 MB Ram. But like I say always - to each his own. If you're a gadget freak such as I and a few people I know, then you would know right away that that much space on a phone is not enough at all.

Its layout and style however intrigue people like me into getting into the experience of purchasing such a phone. The last time I ever had an Ericsson phone was way back when they first introduced the GSMs into Oman. Now you can use it to practice how to give a person permanent amnesia.

I am all for this phone. But right now I am more into rearranging my room after having installed a new flooring system for it, new curtains and a new coat of white paint.

Maybe I'll just get it from Malaysia then I won't have to give up the one I have right now. I would surprise myself with it as my birthday present to me. Talk about speaking insanity.

What's your phone brand and model, and do you plan on changing yours in the near future? And why?

Moonlighting

5 days to Malaysia.

Then I could probably do whatever I want.

Here's a thought: handgliding! Or better yet; bungeyjumping. That would be wild.

I went today (Monday) and finally approved the printing of my book, now all I have to do is sit and wait. But I wouldn't get my hopes up too high. I am thinking if things don't go smoothly with publishing and all, then it could be until I come back - which is, the 27th of August - that it might come out. Sorry.

I also had a checkup appointment - last one - before I go on the trip just to be on the safe side and my Hgb level is up to 10.6. Yes, ladies and gentlemen; you count right! Its almost 11! Not bad for a comeback, not to mention great timing.

So all things come to a good end? Pehaps.

I still would have liked to have achieved something better in my life within the few weeks after I had been released permanently from hospital; personally and professionally.

No matter at how much I may be able to get done and applauded for, keeping in mind my health condition (that is almost non-existant at this stage of time), I still feel that there is something missing in my life.

A career? Maybe. But I don't think so. Jobs come and go.

A great and ultimately healthy lifestyle? I wish.

Its a nagging feature of the person within me. Feeling socially secure.

But I keep on reminding myself as do my friends whom I wonder carelessly with these days in the streets of Oman (which is another of saying: I am not telling you where I go with them);

Fret not, noble steed
For your time will come
And with your patience, you will have won
The heart of a woman, the soul of a Godess amongst the plains
And the courage to snap success from the jaws of defeat

Moonlighter out.

Today

This is a picture I took with my mobile to commemorate the death of dozens of thousands 60 years ago when the USA decided to throw an atomic bomb on the Japanese city of Hiroshima. And all for the sake of what? To end the progress of World War II?

Why do the innocent have to pay for their leaders' stupid mistakes? Why is it that man can't hold himself when he sees the power of destruction available to his two hands? Why?
The caption under this picture in the newspaper read that 60% of the American population still support the decision of using bombs against such attacks in the present or future! That's worse than having to declare George W. Bush President of the United States of America for a third term! We have the power in our hands to change the world - why not start by changing it to a better place? Is that hard?

I don't think so; the UAE for instance instead of focusing its annaul federal budget on arms development of its troops it redirects that money and reallocates it to better purposes such as education, health and the development of the country's infrastructure. Is that not a better cause? If you have the Sunday issue of the Times of Oman, that's where you'll find that picture and that caption - not sure though whether there was an article behind it.

My blood boiled so much that I ferreted around for something to cheer me up and I found this:

Sorry that the picture is a bit fuzzy but that's what you get with 1.3 megapixels and Nokia phone.

I just hope our future will settle our past once and for all about such issues that people should not debate in a wild and violent manner but rather negotiate to a comprimise. And that doesn't include 'Israel'.

But it seems like I am the only one who thinks this way..

Dear Princess (series)

Dear Princess of my heart
What passion you have sparked

'tis everyday
That I think of you
Not an hour, not a second passes by
Without seeing you, even as I close my eyes

In this heat
In this blunder
With enemies before me
I am in torture

I would have thought
That I would have had your passion one day
The affection that I choose to show you
Is the chance forever gone 'til Judgement Day?

Fair chosen soul of my life
Hazel brown or black eyes
Wistful black short hair
Gleeming eyes upon you, I wish to protect you from their snare

Should I rejoice in happiness as I am slane?
That in Heaven should we meet again?
Or fight the last fight in your name?
Red roses all around me, calling in your grace, making me going insane

'tis the hour that I will never deny
The beauty I would always see in your face, your eyes
Time would always rush by
Leaving me in discontent for another moment to choose it's time

Passionately yours my Princess
Your soul do I favor 'til I am guided into Heaven

Hitch

Hitch is a great movie. I had seen it once in the cinema and I got the DVD to watch it over again. Why is it that good? Because it draws my attention to a question that runs about in my mind and I am sure in anyone's mind who thinks of getting involved?

The question it draws attention to is: how do I create an opportunity to eternal happiness? Not entirely in that context, but I am sure you get what I am pointing at here.

How do I approach him/her? What do I do in this/that situation? How can I avoid messing up the opportunity? Things like that..

But the real question here is what does the other mean by what it says to the other side and what is the right thing to do in that situation. For guys, it would mostly mean deciphering what a woman is really trying to say to him and what to act upon it. The reason I am taking the guy's side in this case because I generally think - and this is from my experience - that most men are straight forward and not much into the 'tug-of-love' war game that a lot of women play to get Mr. Right.

Am I wrong in my presumption? Perhaps. But, from my side of the planet, I think not.

Women are more complex like a physics book with equations and definitions gone haywire. You'd study hard for the test and then all of a sudden you find yourself in a position of where the Professor behind the test has given you extra workload to study at the last minute. In which case, the hard drive just fries up.

Guys - and again, this is from experience - on the other hand, however, have everything on a set path. Should they see a girl they are genuinely interested into, they would change their birth day, if they could just to hang on to a glitter of hope that 'Yes! I've finally gotten her attention!'. Guys don't play games, at least not this one. Guys can be dishonest, conniving, dangerous and most of all stupid but they can never ever be the playboy type (continuing the genuinely interested type).

Me, for instance, I would rather be alone than live a lie of having to be with someone I am not interested in. But that's just me.

I would have loved to be a guy like Hitch. Seriously. He has all what it takes. The looks; the 'jazz'; the moves; and the behavior of a man who knows what he wants and how to get it.

I'm gonna be 27 this August 25th. Much ado about nothing, I guess. Huh?

Inspirational Moment

I was at Starbucks, MQ today and was having a nice time with the staff there and then I sat down trying to write a poem or something inspirational for this blog. And indeed, I did;

Devotion
Is not the solution
Understanding
Is only half the equation

Dedication to the worthy fact
That you are you
And that she is she
And that whatever happens
Was meant to be

Chance will be left to chance
Only the sick; the dying; will pretend

Rainbow hearts
Clouds move away
Sunlight
Stars
Smile silently as darkness turns into day

chance will be left to chance

so i live in fury
i live in pain
i live my life with glooming sadness
day by day

i stop to think
i stop not to weep
i stop, i listen
i cry, silently i scream

i hold myself in the corner
against the wall
against the moment
that i want to feel warm not cold

i talk to myself
through my thoughts
insanity takes over
my passion, my heart, my all

i stop, i look, i listen
i turn around - its as if something is missing

i remind myself of an image of a smile
a phrase i used to hear when i was a child
'don't be scared, it'll all pass'
'whatever it is, it will pass'

tears falling down
raindrops from clouds
lovers kissing in the rain
today is bad, tomorrow is just another day

heart beats race faster than before
chance will be left to chance no need to be lectured or implored

day of dawn
sunset night
this is my dying testimony
silver bullet. goodnight

Trauma or Drama?

I think that the subconcious can really come to the concious level. To the point that it could probably take over your body and mind at times.

I say this because I always have occurrences of violent images and daydreams when I watching something and I don't realize it at times but I actually react to them by putting myself into these situations on the subconcious level. Like if I am watching things of sad nature like a death or something I find that I put myself in that position trying to see how everyone reacts to that motion in the daydream.

Silly as it may sound, it makes me confused to the point whereby when I disconnect I often stay in that state of sadness for instance for a while still reacting to it still thinking about it.

I don't know if I am losing it or if it's normal but that's how I feel when this kind of thing happens.

Just thought on sharing it here.

August First

I wish I could have posted something on my blog on the 1st of August but I just couldn't because when I realized that it was that month of the year I started to back off - sorry

Life's moments - part two: the aftermath

somewhere
along the rainbow path
there sits a man
that wants to understand

precious life's moments
given not taken
tender feelings
gone, shattered; taken

simplicity is just a tale that we tell ourselves
that this world not be complicated
especially when your mind and soul is infactuated

take the love of a man for a woman
deeper than the deepest ocean
where sky clouds can be grey
no spots for the sun's rays
only when you see her smile
dimples, teeth and eyes
that's the woman, that's her style

now all you can do is stop and stare
for now you're all alone again
taken to the corner of your room
sit there with the world's gloom
don't eat, drink or think anything - because you were lying to yourself, it was no truth

bare in mind these few words:
a kiss is just a kiss, tenderness on my lips
joyful to the heart, the feeling, it is

the red rose that grows in the meadows green
made to represent you and your beauty

now that we know how the world will always treat me
leave me alone - this world has no place for the likes of me