What's up doc?

I really feel that somehow something has to change about me. Significantly. Something that touches the core of my soul. One which will have a profound impact on my life in a positive manner.

I need to make things look more brighter than the sun Sun that we revolve around on this solid Earth that hardly ever makes sense any time given. When you're sad you're thinking why does this happen to me or why does this or that ever get to happen and you think of the many reasons behind it that should have made a change in the past. But you know what? None of those count because you and I can't change the past. No one can. I have done a million things in my past that I truly regret on doing. Things that some people would consider not worth giving a shit about. Pardon my language here. But point that I am trying to make here is that when given a chance I will go around and forget about all those thoughts and how much they meant to me when I was in need in order to make me feel better but when I am up. I am up and about doing things and this and that and just forgetting the fact that I am up is proof. Proof that someone out there is looking down on me.

Some people call him God. Others call him the Great Spirit. I tend of think of him as my Pal. Someone who would always lend a hand when you need him, but only at the right moment in time. Someone who listen to you, giving you an ear to pound your heart's aches out instead of a shrink. Someone who will always look after you when you don't. Taking you on a journey of discovery of where you thought many things impossible making it possible. Bounding you by yourself and your spiritual personality.

I could use some of that right now.

Tomorrow morning (Thursday) I would probably wake up feeling all good and cheerful but I will still have this thought in the back of my mind.

I still have that thought of being lonely and needing to talk to someone about what goes on in my mind. I guess that's stupid. Having that feeling of needing to talk to someone 24/7.

That's why a person at College told me that I was born with all the stupidity in the world pumped into my brain. Probably the reason behind why I am not what you would call 'marriage material'. Probably even the reason why I find it so difficult on progressing positively in my life, education, and health.

And that takes me to purpose behind all that big talk: I need to change. But I can't do it on my own. I need someone to support me should I trip and fall.

I need to know that I can depend on someone to talk about the progress that I make.

Is there a doctor in the house?