Bluetooth Mania

So let me get this straight. Its either the guys who are after you mistaking you for a woman or a woman trying to have some fun with another person when you're there.

What am I talking about? Bluetooth; that's what.

It's the new craze in town. And its so annoying to the point that I just wanna shut off my phone, but I keep my bluetooth on for a reason, when I want to transfer files from my laptop to the phone and vice versa when I am outside. Or possibly one day, use the phone to dial up an internet connection.

Why would a woman try to hook up with a person through bluetooth? I mean what does it really say? And say if a man or woman was making the 'connection' - what then? It's pointless, really.

And that's the reality of the situation.

In Kuwait, they have their own bluetooth usage law. In Saudi Arabia and the UAE, there used to be a big riot about this such an issue.

And in Oman are having a wack at it as if it was a PSP (PlayStation Portable).

It's a clear case of invasion of privacy, that's what I say..

And here's one I made earlier..

Guys.. whatever you do, don't watch the skeleton key. It's not even scary. Make a toddler watch it and he/she would laugh. Ok; maybe an infant. Ok, ok, fine; a girl. But that's it. What was the use of suspence music during the whole movie if there are always these cut scenes with hip hop songs? It just takes away the mood. I mean; me and my friends ended up making silly jokes the whole time about the actors and laughing our eyeballs out. It was even funnier than Scream 3.

Well, at least I had a really good day today.

And I found another opportunity for a part time job at some other place.

Thing is though; I am a bit frustrated as what to do exactly. Do I do my MBA now and get a job later or do I go for the job and wait later on till next year maybe to do my MBA? I can't do both because it's draws out all your energy.

I also heard from a friend that the TRA (Telecommunications Regulatory Authority) in Oman wouldn't let either Oman Mobile nor Nawras lower their per minute rates for local and international calls. If that's true; then what's the use of the competition if not for the benefit of the subscribers of either service companies; right? When will these people ever learn? The establishment of such a body even in western countries is only to monitor how each competitor deals with the competition in a legal manner - not to interfere with how each other offers better products at better rates.

The ESO (Enivormental Society of Oman) is holding a presentation on the Conservation of the Houbara Bustard this Saturday. I will be attending it amongst other people who are willing to emphasise the environmental habitat and it's needs from the local communities in Oman. If you're interested in it, please click here.

What could only be will be
The stars, the rivers, the seas
Deliver her the happiness she deserves
The desire for eternal bliss, for her
The red rose upon her window petal
Her eyes; the moon, I drown into the sea

Remember the smile you will always have
Remember the laugh of whom, people, you please
Remember the heart, you hold in your chest
Remember your soul, yours to keep

Bound by the will, that I am
Bound by your presence where-ever you may be
Bound by your smile when you are always glad
Bound by the force of happiness, of which, you glee

Red rose upon your window petal
The day I die, is your entrance to eternity

Stay the course

Although things are pretty messed up for me at the moment I am not going to give in.

I have plans for my future that I will see through no matter what or how long it may take.

The succession of these plans don't depend on the factor of time or finance, although, they would help. But my determenation will get me through this small obstacle course.

Inshallah, I will be able to carry them out sooner than later.

Its such a shame though, that this is happening .. and now.

Oh, well.

Can't have everything you want in life.

And this is what you get when you turn yourself into a feelingless person, I guess.

Everything that has a beginning has an end

This was bound to happen some day. Today officially sucked. I knew it was coming. But didn't know when. After all, all good things must come to an end whereby we leave the primrosey dreams in our sleep and wake up to what's going on around us in reality world.

And its no pizza, I tell ya.

Its like someone saw how much fun I was having with my spare time and decided to mallot me down into the Earth. Yikes. I mean. Double yikes. Triple even.

I wish winter would hurry up and come here because I so miss all that rain, cold winds and being so damn lonesome all over again.

What happened? What happened? You ask..?

Maybe nothing and maybe I am blowing things up out of proportion. But I have learnt a lesson and that is that no matter whoever asks you so many times to reveal what you're thinking about; just don't. They won't like it - and neither would you. So it's better staying where it is; in your mind.

Blathering blabberskites. Holy shamolian shanopies.

Where's a batcave when you need one?

Somebody just shoot me

200th Post - the secret to desire

Not much. But it says something; that I have a lot of time on my hands and I am not using it quite the right way - he he he.
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She looked beyond the river of blood on the floor
She stared on and on and on
She looked flash-eyed, startled, out of words
Her life just froze

Beyond the cut, beyond the wound
Beyond the life that lay there bone upon bone
The knife in her hands
The day her heartbeat rang
Stop, look and listen
She lay there upon the floor without a breath
The murder weapon in her hands
Service? Or just plain desire?
The passion that ignited the fire

Breathless from a soul's walk in the clouds
Blood from the neck dripping like a fountain
Too weak to utter a word
His guilt - the words he spoke

'I don't love you anymore'
Like a screwdriver through your guts, too sore
Head spinning through the atmosphere
His life - Heaven or Hell?

She lay there beyond the river of blood
Passers by looking in disbelief
Police - guns out. Good grief.
Shots in the air. Lives are scarce.
Swim through the puddle of blood
Eye to eye, this your soul's half
This your love; understand

Turned in
This is the way it went
__________________________

As I was walking up the stairs one day
I met a man who wasn't there
He wasn't there again today
I wish, I wish he would just go away
(identity, copyright 2003, columbia pictures industries, inc. - all rights reserved)

I want this - Not that

Right now, even though I am having a great time with the way my mood's being all these few days and how I am dealing with other things in such a positive manner. I do get the occassional blues about being confused on what I really should be looking for in a woman. Even though the fact still stays that that it is not amongst my list of priorities at this time or place; but I still find it hard to distinguish between the two big L's - love & lust.

For many, they will find that they can easily differentiate between the two. But for someone such as I looking for the right one, or as many would like to call her; the one, it would seem too daunting a task.

After all, a fruit is only as good as it tastes, right?

I mean, what if a woman is really a nice woman from the outside but totally wrong for you from the inside. She'll probably treat you right in the beginning and then later on in the relationship, should it continue, she'll create some problems for you and maybe all of a sudden dump you.

Don't get me wrong here. I'm not taking sides. I'm not generalizing this natural evolvement of emotions and bodily feel with the gentle sex. We, as men, are also prone to such things.

What I am trying to ask is, in either cases, how would you know?

For example, different people have different opinions. And such is their way of interpreting the way they percieve the surroundings and what often happens to them. So to them, their way of translating their loving emotions to us would sound like it is lust and vice versa. Get me?

So the question, again, is: How do you distinguish between love & lust?

I would love to hear your answers on this..

Salam Namaste

Hey hey hey people..

What's up?

Not much, huh? Is that pretty much why I am here to make your lives even better? I wonder...perhaps I am the 9th or 10th wonder of the world (the 8th wonder of the world is the woman, if you didn't know)..

Well, in case you're wondering. Everything was even better today. The only thing that was bad about it was that I woke up really late because a friend of mine had called me up and woke me up and I couldn't get back to sleep after that. But all in all I had a good one.

I remembered that today is my relative's birthday; she's 23 and she had already celebrated her birthday by the time I got online to send her a wish. And even though I had already sent her a few greetings before hand; I wanted to post an online birthday wish but this damn internet connection wouldn't let me. So here's to you, my relative, a happy happy happy 23rd birthday.

Moving on; I watched an Indian movie today which had recently opened up at Ruwi Cinema, called Salam Namaste featuring Preity Zinta and Saif Ali Khan. It's close to the concept of Kal Ho Na Ho which also featured the Indian star Sharukh Khan, and the theme is the romantuic comedy which outlines specific Indian movies nowadays. I recommend it to anyone whose a movie buff like me and loves romantic comedies.

My plan is working well, because I got an email today that my debut article would appear in the theweek in the first week of October - which is not more than 2 weeks away. So I am excited about that and what response it may carry.

Another thing is that my new book - Wonderous World - would be available at stores in no more than 2 weeks time. Great timing, I know. It could even be 10 days. So that's got me even more excited.

My interview for the company is coming up on the 3rd of October, which is making me somewhat nervous because it's been 7 months since I was last employed at some investment firm. But I hope everything will be ok.

And last but not least, I will be signing up next month to a certain gym to get my body shape well - physically. Because if you look good, you'll feel good, too. And I am really excited about that, too. I remember the last time we were enrolled into a gym - our family, that is, was when I was less than 5 years old. And that I remember very vaguely.

I think I should start praying. My life is becoming really good to me that I have everything I ever wished for at the current time and that, too, will probably only last for some time. I should start thanking God for all the wonderful times I am having now so He would remember me when I get sick next time (which I hopefully won't) and He would help me also to find the perfect woman for me, inshallah.

Salam, Namaste..

the truth will set you free

Al Futoon, a recently launched gazette, in response to the theweek's growing popularity had only today published a very important issue with clear-cut evidence of a epidamic that's rapidly growing in our society; the 'working women' title.

Now, I am not much into this gazette since I find that most of the issues that it discusses are not taken seriously and are subjective to the power of press authorities here in Oman plus the fact that it does not carry out professional investagations in the literal sense.

But this subject at hand, had caught my eye because this week's issue had a cover picture of some being nabbed actually picking up a 'working women' from somewhere. I won't say where, but I am sure that when you do pick up the issue (unfortunately, Al Futoon is unavailable online), you will know where the picture has been taken.

It has taken a whole new idea of tackling the problem into the core. But then again, it has also intruded on the privacy on the idividuals that the investigation was carried on, anonymously, may I add.

Nevertheless, this is indeed an issue that must be tackled and corrected immediately and professionally.

Baldie Alert!

If you see a bald man with a white complexion and stuffing his face with a large pizza and Coca Cola report it here..

he he he

I have actually scraped the last hair off my head in order to increase awareness of Cancer in the community and to also get rid of those silly itches!

You'd think taking a shower twice a day would do something...sheesh

Go bald guys...believe me you'll feel great about it. Plus it would seriously increase awareness to this illness which shouldn't be fought alone.

...it was a lovely day

oh yes it was..

wow. I mean. Wow. Seriously.

Today was seriously the best day I have had in a really long time. I mean it.

I woke up today fresh. And in the top of my moods. I think it was due to me watching Truimph, The Insult Comic Dog on DVD. That was hilarious.

Anyhow.

So, I woke up because I needed to go to the printers to write a letter addressed to the Ministry of Information Minister authorizing the printer's delegate to follow up on my book, which I did.

And all along the way, I was really happy. And I have absolutely no idea why. I even began to make jokes about people all along the way about the way they drove and simple folk who were crossing the street or the guy who was looking through the rear-view mirror to see who I was talking to. Even the police guy at the roundabout. Lol.

After that, I was driving back to my favorite hang house in MQ, and just sat there having a great time making jokes and laughing the hell out of my soul. It was completely unbelievable. I hadn't laughed so much in decades..

You might all think that this is too weird or too lame to be spoken of, but boy, if there was a micorophone next to that coffeehouse you would have seen me making jokes all day long about anything. And I mean anything.

It was indeed, a lovely day

men and women: the draft before the masterpiece

It's said that although woman was created after man was in the beginning of time; that there's always a need for draft before the masterpiece. Talk about complexity. I find it so hard to understand women in general and not anyone in specific.

Because to each, they have their own characteristics of their soul's beauty. Forget about how they come; tall, short, skinny, obese, pimpled, or clear. Women are beautiful in all the ways that God has come to create them. But that beauty requires the understanding of a man capable to stop, look and listen to what they have to say and to appreciate their inner needs and desires in life, career and perhaps in the long-run; motherhood.

Women set the ultimate challenge for any man alive on the face of this Earth. They are the never-ending quest for a male's answer to dominate the first place which has already been taken. Although in Islam it is quoted that man over-rules the woman. It doesn't necessarily mean that they don't have the right to express their opinions and join in towards the community drive of the nation. It also means that she owns also her right to pursue her career as long as it does not defy what Islam has taught her; to respect thyself.

It is only natural that in the modern world that we live in now, that the male should feel threatened because women have proven, worldwide, that they can take any hit that comes their way and top it, too. Women have gone to the top of Mt. Everest without Oxygen. They have reached the Antartich circle in one piece and back. Women have also conquered the world of sports; tennis, ice-skating, weight-lifting and even soccer.

It is inevitable that man must surrender the throne or perhaps even share it with the female gender since it has been proved that it is quite impossible to beat someone as determined as a woman herself.

But this only means that women and men are equal in both capaibilities and strength amongst which agility is a fine factor to be handled.

I, therefore, kneel down before the whole female population of the planet in respect to this proven fact.

theinterview

I am posting what was typed in the theweek's interview dated 21/9/2005 for those who didn't have the chance to pick up this week's issue. It's a word-by-word copy;

the young poet

Meet Ali Mehdi, the romantic young poet who aims to bring out the creative side of people

SANGEETA SUNDARESAN

When you read the poems of Ali Mehdi Ahmed al Lawati, you feel he has been brought up on a staple diet of books and journals. Suprisingly, what he reveals is quite the contrary. "Well, I am not much of a reader. I've never really read a lot of books. However, there are some I grew up on, like Roald Dahl's Danny The Champion Of The World. I was more of a comic book geek and read comics like Beano & Dandy. But I've never really been a bookworm."

Ali finished high school in a government school in Oman and went on to pursue a degree in management from Majan Private College. With no formal training in writing, it was during this period that he started writing poems. "It started out when I was in a relationship with someone. It, however, went sour. All those thoughts, feelings, emotions, everything - I wrote them down." Although Ali wrote them in what he calls 'random words', when he went back to them he realised that some of the words rhymed and he started to develop on them. Timely encouragment from family and friends only saw his talent bloom.

Ali has to his credit a book of poems published titled Rapidly Blue. It's titled so since, "it focuses on a lonely period of my life, I gathered all the poems I had written during this period and put them together in this book."

Ali seeks inspiration for his poems from everything around him, be it people, music, thoughts, words, jokes, and even situations he has been in during the course of a day, and turns his emotions into words. "When I write, the thoughts just flow. I don't particularly care about the rhyme and meter at that time. But when I go back to it, I make it a point to give it some sort of a body and scheme."

When queried as to why he does not feel the need to read unlike other writers who are abreast with the current literary scenario, he stated, "I don't feel the need to read so much. If anything is going to influence me it is the situation that I am going to put myself into to write a poem. It's not what I read that is going to unfluence me. Maybe, I will get an idea or two but that's it. It's not the style that I would want to focus on." Ali has travelled extensively and feels that it is this exposure that reflects in his work.

Although not much of a reader, Ali has read the works of a few Arabic poets and claims that he is captivated by their style. He is also influenced by some of their work. "The late Nizar Qabbani is a very famous poet. He was a romantic and his works try to demystify the Arabian woman. I find that intriguing in itself. My works are also romantic in nature and I sort of identify with Qabbani's quest. There is so much in a woman that we men don't know of. People tend to focus on the superficial side of a woman, but to me what really matters is what's inside. The other poets that I like are Al Mutanabi and Ibn Al Roomi because their description and style is very nice."

From the beginning, Ali has also written about Omani landscapes, be it the rolling hills or the wadis. He hopes to shake people in the Sultanate out of their everyday routine of paying bills and watching television, and give more time to creativity and reflection.

Selvador: A Battle In Your Name

Shattered pieces of broken glass
The images portrayed by my heart, is not at mass

Deliver thy name, that is on my tongue
Fortune, is man made, not by luck

Forgiven
Forsaked
This the hunger
I taste

I close my eyes
All I see is her
Within my soul, lies
The spirit of a warrior

To war, to war, my friends
To war, to war, my enemies will be hung

In war, I would die
So I can see my Princess' hazel brown eyes

Brown eyes
Soft white cheeks
The passion of love
Our hearts speak

'tis with this tongue, I speak your name
'tis with this heart, I am honored to die for your grace

'tis to this life, I pave the way for your presence
'tis to the world, I lend you my soul's vengeance

Petal of a flower
Looming beyond the greens
'tis to this day, this hour
I hear your name in the winter's cool breeze

My heart will never bend
My soul is indeed in your debt
And it is this day I have kept
Your flower of love in my heart

Ball's in your court

So.. Ramadhan is just around the bend, huh?

At last the time where we can all just gather round and stuff our faces like we've never seen food in our entire lives?

What do you mean what am I talking about? That's what most of the Omani population does.

I swear to God. We buy, buy, and yes; buy even more til our pockets are empty, our tummies are bigger than a Camel's hump, and the Holy month isn't half over.

We portray to the outside world that, yes; we are a society of harmony, and yes; we are also a society of who enforce Islam in every possible way. But boy, when Ramadhan looms over, we find people outside til late at night smoking sheesha, or guys taking an extra look with their bluetooth enabled phones at chics, or parents buying half the supermarket that's near to them, and car companies selling vehicles like hotcakes fresh from an oven.

What is it with people, anyhow?

Ramadhan, is supposed to be a time whereby we remember how to hold ourselves from doing anything that might cause our fasting to be broken during the day and night. It's not just about having no food during the day and holding our tongues til sundown. Nor is it about craving all day for a cigarrette and when its night-time we consume half a pack.

Its about remembering those who are unfortunate enough not to have enough food to share for their loved ones. Its also about taking our sight away from things we should even try to look at. It's also about reading the Qura'n and praying to God to forgive our sins; big and small.

I realize what I am trying to say here is probably the worst solution that anyone could come with since it would probably bring the whole economy down if a quarter of the population were to carry it out. But think of it this way; would you rather have a nice life and have God mad at you? Or would you rather forsake this life and gather eternal happiness when God calls upon your name on Judgement Day?

Ball's in your court.

The Ultimate Goal

Ok.

So most of the people I know have come by me these few days (since Tuesday, actually) and congratulated me on the article and how I look in my picture in the theweek. And to be honest it feels quite nice to be just a tad famous. What can I say? LoL.

And as things are getting better because people have now began to realize my passion about writing and poetry, I plan to go further into that with my new regular columns in the same publication (yes; I know, this is the zillionth time I have mentioned it) and furthermore, my third - and possibly my final - book would not be about a collection of poems as its predecessors are/were. But rather would be a poetic story from beginning to end. Still haven't figured out when it would come out, and what it's about. What I do know is that is now my ultimate goal right now in the writing business: to be distingueshed as a truly professional writer. Because poetry can only take you so far. But in the world of your imagination: you are boundless. That's where the writing comes in.

My new book Wonderous World will hit the shelves very very soon. So keep this blog in your favorites if you plan to know about the date when it does..

(mis)fortune

What's the cost to having a simple happy moment?

Have you ever thought about it?

Ok, let me ease your wondering and tell you what I mean. For every life on God's Earth, there is a sense of happiness because of the joy it brings. But for every life that also comes to existing there is also a disaster happeing elsewhere - be it death; accidental or otherwise. And with that death there is also an overwhelming sense of sadness, solitude, and sincere loneliness of the lost soul.

So if I am having such a wonderful time right now, to what cost? Someone elsewhere is dying; near to their timed death or perhaps already passed on to the 'other side'.

It makes you think and appreciate the many wonders this world that God has brought us into. Before this I used to always think that if I was God I wouldn't have created life in the first place because I really don't see the point of doing the whole deal. I still partially believe in that. But I also now believe that whatever is planned out for me or anyone on this lonely planet of the solar system is already written for us in God's book of (mis)fortune.

That pessmistic side of me will always lie deep within my soul. Always. And there always be an emotional tide wave of the battle between the two. Maybe one day one side it will all be over. And then the side that does win will maybe take me over.

Maybe I would turn into some evil monstrasity of a person.

Then again; I could turn out to be an Angel.

Heck; if it was up to me, I'd rather be the pizza delivery guy. But, wait, that's not a good choice either. I'd be eating them all.

Besides that; what do you think?

A Tale to Tell

Don't make fun of this post please.
---------------------------------------

Today I had a met a person whom I know who has been having a rough time. She was having pains in her abdominal area and such; and I had asked about her every now and then because me and her are quite close in a limited way.

Anyhow, she was still in pain when I asked about her last week and I had advised her to see the doctor because I suspected that she could have something such as mine although not as complicated.

As it turns out, when I saw her today, she wasn't her cheerful self. I felt that there was something wrong but she was reluctant to say but I pushed on for the answer because I wanted to get whatever it was off her mind.

She went to the hospital as advised; talked to the doctor. The doctor said that there was nothing wrong with her. But the Omani nurse working there had an idea of what could have been paining this young woman.

And her hunch was right. She was 2 months pregnant without knowing in addition to using anti-pregnancy pills. And as she had already been taking injections for her pain earlier on in this period, plus other medication, she had to abort it.

I had to hold myself from within so as not to cry in front of this brave woman who although losing an unborn child, had the courage to stand up and surrender whatever happened to God.

I was deeply sympathetic to this young woman. I felt like actually giving her a hug of support so I could probably to reassure her that she wasn't alone in on this.

I told her to gather her reports around the case and write a letter to the Ministry of Health quoting what had happened. It was totally irresponsible of that doctor to let her go like that.

Thank God for that Omani nurse.

At the speed of life

Why is there a picture of a person snowboarding on the top of this post?

Easy.

Things to me these days, although not complicated, are flying by me at the speed of life. And I'm sorta having a grand time at it like a small child aboard a fast train watching the secnery go by and hearing the train tracks clickity-clack.

I'm in the theweek this week, and coming up fortnightly as a regular columnist in it, too. Plus I have the upcoming job interview, which, if God permits, I will get. My sister has a new baby girl, and other beautiful things are coming along the way - I can feel it.

It just makes you - smile.

Right?

"The Story of Me" (Inspired by Noors)

This story was written some time ago - so, no funny thoughts, ok?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I wish it was me you could see what I could when I look at you"
"I wish it was you who I see when I look away into the darkness of the streets"
"At a time I wish I could be where you are"
"Loving you, freely"

Wishing wasn't going to do a thing. Nor was it going to change what has happened that night. Wishing was just that: wishful thinking. Destiny had brought everything to a halt. Everything had been what it had been when you thought you had just grabbed success from the jaws of defeat. But there still exists the chance of getting what you want if you try to go further beyond the humiliation that you had set for yourself here. And that is by knowing what you want when you want it.

Everyone in this world wants to have some sort of relationship with someone around the four corners of the Earth. And you're already vulnerable as you feel you are. There are only a few things that you need to get over of. That feeling of insecurity.

"How can I trust myself with this feeling especially when I don't get any help?"
"I need to do things from now on my own; to learn and fiddle around with the tides of time and the life that surrounds it"
"But whatever is there I must not feel bound by it; I should not cast a limit"
"Time will choose its location and the moment it belongs to and a moment's plain emptiness will hit me; I am sure it will"

My life has changed profoundly. It has really. Sickness do I feel. Precious moments come and go as they will. The turn for change – so what's the deal?

Sometime ago I kept thinking. And yes I think.

I found myself thinking of many things – planning out my life ahead of me. After the significant changes in my status. Thereby arises the priorities of which I have set for myself. Just forgetting about who says 'if you can't beat them, join them'. And I am in that process. But by not surrendering but by accommodating myself to the changes needed herein.

Broadband: How much do you really need it? And is it really all that affordable?

OmanTel has launched a new campaign to market it's high speed 'broadband' connection in the Sultanate.

One of the captions on one of its advertisements was "There are 100,000,000 songs that can be downloaded with a high-speed internet connection". Anyone else reading that caption would have gone 'wowsers'. But if you were someone who has been reading the news lately on the 'net and different media sources available otherwise, you would know that more than half of that number of songs is shared through peer-to-peer programs such as Kazaa, Edonkey, and imesh. And just sharing that music on the 'net is a clear violation of international copyright laws. So you ask yourself this; do you really want to get involved with an organization that encourages you to act unlawfully?

The broadband connection was intitially brought in to Oman because there was a tremendous surge in the number of users on the dial-up program that OmanTel had started off with, plus the fact that it enabled users to be connected on a 24/7 basis proving to become more popular with businesses that needed such a connection.

But at a price of 39 Omani Rials per month as a maximum charge and 12 Rials monthly fee (wonder why we pay for it?) and an installation fee of 25 Rials; not to mention that the consumer will have to buy the special modem from the service company at unspeakable prices, it will be a long way away from making it popular amongst the folks who are drooling just over the speed they only can dream of but that too is a current unachievable task with a top download speed of only 384 Kbps.

Most people in Oman have different opinions about obtaining connections, among them is this writer. To what degree would someone such as a normal citizen would anyone need such a fast and unaffordable service not forgetting the fact putting their own privacy, security and personal data bank at a risk with the all day connection?

How much does anyone of us really need it?

It's official

Yes, folks...

This week I will be appearing in the theweek. So you can all grab as many copies as you want and show them what is written there (although I haven't the slightest clue as to what is)

If only I had a preview to the article. Oh, well.

Thanks to a Miss Sangeeta for carrying out the article on me and my book Rapidly Blue. There could be a glimpse of my new book Wonderous World in it, too.

Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I have had being interviewed for it. Let me know what you all think.

Love for hope

Today I read a newspaper article which I believe was in the Al Shabiba with a small picture of a man in China throwing himself off 30 or so metre high electric tower to meet his death because he had A.I.D.S.

What is it that drives people to hoplessness? That there's no light at the end of the tunnel?

Believe it or not, its not the medicine; nor the amount of time you take to excercise sports and physical activities. But rather how much time you spend with someone comforting, someone you care for, and one who can truly understand your inner deep desires for life.

Someone who can even possibly show you the positive side of where you can take your life instead of bending the responsibility of taking it by your own hands instead of God's.

Its true that many things in this world have helped in various way as to how it may affect a human being's physocological behavior like drugs; appetite for food and relationships. But truth to be told its never successful unless there are two factors available; faith and the belief in God.

There's always hope for us out there. It's all around. We just need to reach out and grasp it with the little power within us.

After all, its not money that makes the world go round.

It's the love for hope.

Play it again, Sam

OmanTel decided to play a number on me last night by disconnecting me from my internet connection. Two can play at that. I had luckily bought a new DVD last night so I watched it and waddled down into the OIFC service centre at Khuwair, paid it off and went outside and logged in again just now.

I hadn't paid my bill because it was too darn low (8 Omani Rials) so I decided to postpone it til next month. The next month I didn't get the bill and plus I was out of the country and when I got back it didn't disconnect me until the 18th! Talk about taking your own sweet time.

Anyhoo..

Couldn't care less.

Its not like we feed on the 'net (not!) he he he

The cats out of the bag

No longer will I hide behind false pretences.

This is the day of a new beginning.

Dawn of a new found soul.

Just as soon as I find out who has the best pizza in town - lol!

Opportunity knocks

So, at last, the company I submitted my job application to has replied via email.

And yes, folks, they wanna give the ol' Prowler a chance at proving himself! My interview is on the 3rd of October, 2005.

Keep all your fingers, and toes crossed!

I really hope that I bag this one this time for good..

I'll let you know how this situation develops

Simple Plan - Untitled

This is by far the best song I have listened to up until now.. It's by a rock group called Simple Plan; the album is called "Still Not Getting Any" - the song is intitled suitably: Untitled, in my opinion because it leaves you astounded..

Here are the songwords:

I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why am I in here tonight

And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No, I can't stand the pain

How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
Got nowhere to run
The night goes on as I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I want to start this over again

So I try to hold on to a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No, I can't

How could this happen to me?
I've made my mistakes
Got nowhere to run
The night goes on as I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?

I've made my mistakes
Got nowhere to run
The night goes on as I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?

Lyrics courtesy of www.songwords.net

The Burp-athon

I remember this day along time ago when we were still in primary schools and it was just me, my best friend, and a bunch of other people who I can't seem to remember they were.

But that's not the focus of story.

The focus is this: We had all gone out to a fast food joint here in Oman and it still exists to this day except its still not as popular - maybe because of this incident (he he he). A bunch of us got their meals and started eating away while waiting for the others to come by and join us. Before we knew it there were a few others that we had not seen for quite some time. And the merrier the crowd seemed.

And since we all pretty much had finished our food and still had our hands on our sodas (soft drinks) we did what any child dreams of doing all their life. We burped it all away.

Naturally, everyone around us got sick to death but what could they do to a bunch of youngsters who were just having fun by burping down to the songs of rythm & blues; hip-hop and pop?

I will say this though; all we needed was a maestro and we would have had a chance in becoming real burpo-stars with Simon applauding us "Encore! Encore!"

Burp!

Excuse me

This week - the next week - the week after...

So I'm pretty much sure that the interview about me and my book will come out this week in theweek. I'll confirm it later on in the week by Tuesday.

Right now I am working on my first ever article to the same publication and its a bit hard to focus on one topic but hopefully I'll be alright.

ps: this blog in its entirety was supposed to be deleted today but I was blackmaled into not attempting it. Too bad. Its such a waste of space. Don't know why I even blog..

Oman Mobile VS. Nawras: Part Deux

Here's another post about Oman Mobile and Nawras for you people to judge upon yourselves on who actually deserves your money and most importantly - why.

Oman Mobile has now upgraded most of their services for the mobile subscriber by offering your regular SMS; MMS; Wap and data line capabilities. And they are all geared up to offer push-to-talk services by year end and maybe even EDGE. Add to that, that they offer roaming capaibilities with over 118 telecom operators worldwide. And only recently have they added their prepaid mobile service Hayyak to that list making it possible for you to recieve SMS and calls from people here in Oman to their respective numbers.

Nawras, on the other hand, has yet a long road to pave in terms of roaming (it has up to 42 worldwide partners). Still it offers your basic services as well (SMS; MMS; Wap; GPRS & EDGE). And it seems that it has siezed the competitive edge of offering discounted rates on calls per minute (19 bzs/minute) for its postpaid and (25bzs/minute) for its prepaid mobile services.

Oman Mobile has been boasting a lot about reaching the 1 million mark in terms of subscribers. But with such intense demand on its network it fails to see that that isn't the real issue here. In fact, if at all, the issue at hand is the quality and not the quantity of the services that you provide for your consumers.

How many minutes have you had to waste on a phone call to call up their help line? How good are their services when it comes to having a disruptive network? How good is their response? How friendly are they? And come to think of it, why do they charge mada users as much more than Nawras by at least 10 baizas?

Have you ever thought about these issues?

The End

Sunset blues
My heart calling out for you

You're killing me
Distorting me
Can't you see the pain I'm going through?

Everyday lies
The comprimise
That I have to set my soul into

It was just a matter of time
Until I got here
The anguish that's alive
Is eating me away

Don't turn your head away
This is what your hands have sewn to this day

Sunset blues
My heart is calling out for you

You're killing me
Destroying me
Can't you see the pain I'm going through?

Everyday I lie
Just to comprimise
To my soul, to my heart, that's being broken into two

Everyday shame
The embarrasment, I take the blame

Sunset blues

Sunset blues

And my heart still calls out for you

Inevitability

So it looks like I have almost forgotten about whom I thought (or maybe still deep down) that I was in love with. I don't know yet. And I can't judge at this point in time at all because although I may not be doing much in my life right now my mind is quite tied up in the sense of things to be done, planned, and sorting out domestic issues within me and my other problems, although, this time I will not disclose them.

I have nothing else to say to that person anymore. As cold as it may sound this is how I feel right now.

And I have nothing else to give this life in terms of emotions anymore. Right now I will concentrate on my career and nothing else. Be it in terms that I will start with the theweek as a regular columnist or otherwise.


I regret that I have come to this age to take this decision. It seems that it was inevitable.

Please excuse my total lack of humor in this post. And should this post sound depressing; tough. That's how it is. Its not like I get that many hits on this site to appreciate the many people who comment on it (not that I don't appreciate the very little comments that I do get here).

That's how it is.

That's how it's gonna be.

Whose fault is it anyway?

There's this funny article I read today in the Al Shabiba, it stated H.E. Maqbool; Minister of Industry & Commerce saying "There are no monopolies in the car industry here in the Sultanate". Yeah, and Bahwan doesn't own 50 zillion Toyota Showrooms all over Oman and there's just so many other people offering cars with such affordable prices.

There was a law to dis-assemble all local automobile agents in Oman in order to free up the sector. Did we see anything happen?

Such is also the law of introducing unleaded petrol into every single filling station all over Oman. It was only applied in select stations where the manufactures thought it was feasible. I'll bet this new Shell New Super petrol will have the same case.

People in Oman are rejoicing because now they can use their mobiles without the use of their handsfree kits. It was enforced some time back that should you get caught doing that you would get fined 75 Omani Rials. Now its rarely enforced. Why? As it turns out, the police have a bigger job on their hands of stopping people from driving like maniacs or bumper-to-bumper on the highways.

Whose fault is it, really?

Uncle - 4th time!

I am happy to announce that I have become an uncle for the 4th time now.

My sister has just given birth to a beautiful baby girl today.

Free Baskin Robbins ice-cream cones for everyone if you meet me tomorrow at Starbucks MQ to celebrate it.. ;oP

Stupidest Person in the World

How many times can I account the number of situations on which I have created by myself to become the worst being on this planet in terms of intelligence? If there were any intelligent life-forms out there watching us from their techno-frenzy-scopes they'd probably be laughing away at me because of the many mistakes I had made because I didn't take time to think it over.

Don't be stunned - it's true. I am actually the most stupidest being God had ever implanted a brain into. And why? Because I hardly ever use it - that's why.

I don't there's ever been a time where I have played intelligently, even. I got myself into a situation now whereby I have myself convinced that I am in love with a person that I hardly even know, let alone support because of lack of job material amongst other personal reasons.

I had also encountered upon a situation whereby I was given this title because I could never get a joke that was being thrown away at me. I always end up with a daze on my face and me going 'Huh?'

I remember once also a friend telling me once that 'if you find yourself in love with a person, then you part your ways, then howcome is it that you hate them so much when you do?' - In a matter of speaking, as in how can you love someone - truly - if you hate their guts when things go sour? Reasonable enough adverb if you ask me.

So many times I have lead myself into thinking that I was always doing the right thing. But I wasn't. I was doing it wrongly without knowing it and insisting on it, too.

This fact has caused me embarassment time and time again. Am I stupid or what? And what's worse, is that it happens again and again no matter how I try to learn. How pathetic.

Somebody call the owners of the Guiness Book of World Records.

-------------------

"Why are women so complicated?" asked a child. 'To make men appreciate more the value of their emotional needs,' replied the wise man.

Transporter 2

The Transporter 2 is coming out this weekend in Muscat. I had already seen part and it wasn't that bad at all. And I got my hands on the sequel in Malaysia - unfortunately for me, it was in French. Serves me right!

Anyhow.

The preview shows that Jason Statham character has gone on from transporting unknown goods for the underworld to driving around with a school boy and dropping him off daily and coming back to pick him. Ok, so what?

It doesn't actually show why he's doing that instead of his usual means of business. It also doesn't show why another woman in the movie is walking around three quarters of the action sequences half-naked with guns in either hands.

Nonetheless, that doesn't mean that I won't go for the movie. If you're against violence or have a grudge against women who openly express their emotional (or erotic) desires, then you're better off to watching the next chic flick or staying at home with your family on a Wednesday night. Here's the link to the movie's official website.

Update: This movie is not playing this weekend. Local cinemas will be screening "The Dukes of Hazzard" instead. Please excuse the mistake..

An Angel here on Earth

.. So I wonder at the moon and the stars
They ask me; "How is your heart?"

I tell them that it's fond of an Angel that presides here on Earth
But her heart has been burnt by her passion and now she's hurt

I ask them for advice on what to do
To gain her trust
Just to see her smile at me
Or laugh away her bad luck

I plead, I pray
I kneel, I cry out only to say in my heart
'Maybe it is true
I do love you'

Erratta

Just wanted to correct something about the last post..

Apparently, theweek, this week, will not be publishing my interview with them due to space constraints - this is what I have been informed.

I thought I would correct the matter immediately before any of you draw any conclusions of your own.

Thanks again for your patience and sorry..

Yours truly

Today was a good day. I may even say that it was a great day even though if it started out bad. But never mind that.

Today, a few good things have happened to me.

First of all, yours truly will appear in an interview with the theweek in this week's edition. The article, hang on a sec - who am I kidding? Find out for yourself what it's all about. lol.

The second thing is that I was given the initial green light to become a regular columnist in the theweek. I still haven't decided (in co-ordination with the managing editor at the publication) as to what exactly I would be writing about; but I have a fair idea of it, though.

Third good thing that happened today to me was that I finally beat someone at Chess! lol. As lame as it may sound, I have been aiming to become better at the strategy based game and well, patience is a virtue and boy, did I earn a lot of miles or what!

I'm still waiting for a reply from my job application to a company I submitted it about 3-4 days ago. I have been told that it may take as long as a month to get a reply from them because of a huge response to their vacancy positions which were announced recently. Fingers crossed.

So, everything is going almost according to what I had planned it. I won't dwell if the person doesn't come along now. Besides, by the time I am probably 30 years old, I'd be too old to get married. Wouldn't you all agree?

Storm of Emotions

She walks in
With figure
With delight

The emotions she storms up in me
Her eyes
This night

Red flower
Left for her
Enjoy the romantic scent that's in the air

I smile, unwillingly
I brush, completely
Just to feel your presence, there

Love is merely an image
Not a hint
The passion I breath
The song it sings

Elluded emotions
Prowling for the escape
Batter down the devotion
Hold the Lion in it's cage

Missed

Woke up. Found myself all alone. I found myself a shadow of someone else's past. I woke up, the storm had passed. Doors were shut. Not locked. Dark, it was but so was the night that filled up my eyes. Distant to hear a voice. The reassurance that someone was there. Someone who really cared. It was fair to say that the story started here. But negligence brought me to the moment of where my tip toes were carrying me in the silence of the environment around me.

Glass under my feet. The more I moved on, the more I bleed. Yet, I feel no pain. No remorse. No attempt to squat back. No stopping me now from heading on. Crisp was the sound which broke the air. After that, silence and my glare.

A window? Here in the dark? A slight light in the corner. Hold on to hope's thought.

I try to break free. I smash the window and let my elbow bleed intensively. Woozing around at the moment into memory lane. I recall hearing what people used to call me by - those names. The tired moments that I would try to hold my anger within. The laughter I hear, those squeals of hooting and grins. Despair was never a flight unintended for me. The journey I take into the depths of the plight.

I'm still all alone here. With no one to hold my hand. No one to actually depend on. The future is a question mark to me, the phoney 'promised-land'.

Wake up. I like awake. Into the darkness I stare. My heart's aracing. My thoughts competing. My eyes fleeing. My chest falling.

The tip toe of my body to the light switch. Its still dark, in my soul - because you are missed.

Predestination: Love is a kind of fate

Seems quite odd that one would believe in fate but fight against it at the same time. For instance; take me, I have some sort of sickness which only allows me to enjoy certain times until it chooses to pop up to the surface once again. I am destined to always have this sickness because there is no cure to it (its not contagious and it can't be given through any means on any of your minds, if you get my drift) yet I still fight it out, day in day out trying to make the best out of the least what I have. Does that make sense to you?

The same with love - it chooses you and in unrelying circumstances which at the very best are the worst anyone could ever imagine on God's Earth. Yet we still fight for the chance to get a shot at making the best of the opportunity. By snapping success from the jaws of defeat. And as lame as this may sound - its what makes us stronger, more powerful, more motivated to get up in the morning knowing that there is someone next to you waiting for you to wake up and look into their eyes, smiling as if for the first time and whispering the good morning song that your thumping heart beats to.

She lies there, sleeping
Away into dream land, she's dreaming
Silent breaths of her body I hear
The thumping, of my heart - it beats
I could not ask for more than this
The moment I have long lived to wish for, is this

A movement
A simple stare
With a voice so fare
'Good morning'

..I only want to be there

I'm so pretty - Oh so pretty..

Batman was out last night, prowling the streets trying to promote the new 'share the thrill' drink of a Miranda and the wrong batmobile (i.e.: BMW Z5). Not to mention that he walking around with his hands on his hips as if he was Peter Pan - either that or he was doing the hippity dippity, either way, he looked like an utter dork.

Muscat Muncipality are onto a gold mine! Yes, and they don't know where they've burried it because they're digging everywhere they can with the exception of land mines; telephone and electricity cable grounds. Those poor people who are working sure could use a Baskin Robbins Freezer now.

Wondering one day into the cinema, you see a nice, handsome guy with popcorn in one hand and a white hard-papered ticket in the other waiting with the rest of the planet to go into what turned out to be a truly worthless night of watching an Egyptian movie by the name of 'Booha' whilst wearing a light blue t-shirt, with a recognizable ribbon accross the chest and a caption 'enjoy Cocaine'. We're not related.

Guys and girls seem to be enjoying the days and nights of Muscat. Four girls pop into a coffeeshop for a nice round of hot drinks and all of a sudden, Muscat flocks in. I thought birds fly south for winter..?

X-MEN 3

The last sequel in the sci-triliogy is having some trouble going on but work is still on.

X-MEN 3 is set to be an extravagent ending bringing the story of the good and bad super-homosapiens against each other in a world of great special effects and an even better story and set.

Directed this time by Rush Hour famed director - Bret Ratner, the film is set to debut in May 11th, 2006 worldwide.

Question is: will it be worth the wait?

There's got to be a point to all of this..

I know there's a point to all this but I can't put my finger on where it is.

Things are taking a different course in my life, it seems. Friends of mine just done have the time for me much more than they have for themselves and their relationships. I have a gorgeous cousin who is trying to avoid me everytime we 'bump' into each other and I on the other trying as much as I can to occupy my time with something to do so that I don't end up depressed contemplating on the how; when; why; what; and who. Because I know if I did then I would up a depressingly sad story for anyone to see.

So I applied for a few companies for a part time job and awaiting their replies. Part time is just a temporary solution until winter looms over safely to see how I handle it. In the meanwhile I am waiting for the right time to enter into a proper gym and get myself prepped up body wise - not something I like, but it seems to be the fashion these days.

Life's bitter past moments have taught me to take chances on the fly. Meaning taking them when you see them. And right now I have a good opportunity to become a better man and I am willing to take it. Only one step at a time, though. I don't like to be rushed. Unless I see a very valid reason to be.

But as much as I have planned out probably the next year that I have coming up for me, I still aim to win the heart of someone very special, very dear to me. And I don't know how to do it anymore now that all doors have been closed up in my face. Its not exactly that I chose that person. Its a matter that my heart had chosen her. I was asked to stop bothering her (in a matter of speaking); so I did. I was told in crystal clear imagery that there is nothing between us - and I got that, loud & clear.

As much as I am supressed by all these obstacles, I still believe that there still lies a light at the end of the tunnel if only I was given a chance. Nothing else.

I'll try not to make it a biggy. But hey, if you're just as much as a human being as I am, then you can hardly hold your heart's passion for true love as I am trying.

Can you?

Whatever happened to..?

Have you ever felt that when you hear a song or a tune or maybe when you read some poetry here and there of some lyrics that pop off some band that you would relate to it? That you feel as if it talks about you? And how you feel?

I've had that moment for a little while - just a few days - and I don't know why, though.

And it's always been this song, unforunately for me, which, is sung by the Backstreet Boys and it's called Incomplete. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're a boyband - so what? The lyrics they choose to sing are quite powerfull and at least they don't sing those thumping soundtracks anymore like Everybody (Backstreet's Back) and Get Down. Lol.

These are the lyrics to Incomplete:

Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me I can't find no rest
Where I'm going is anybody's guess

I tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is
Incomplete

Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby my baby it's written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake

I try to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is
Incomplete

I don't meant to drag it on
But I can't seem to let you go
I don't wanna make you face this world alone
I wanna let you go (alone)

I try to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is
Incomplete

Although I understand the situation that I am in right now. That I need to find myself a job in order to be a suitable marriage candidate. More importantly, I believe now that there is more to life than having to look for the love of your life. Sure, they are your other half and all. But that doesn't mean that your life runs on that.

I keep getting people asking me to give them an opinion on they should do on trying to balance their work and emotional turbulence. And I find out that they put themselves way over their heads just to be with the one they love. Neglecting the very issue that they would not be able to support the aftermaths of a married life. The house (or flat); transportation; and expenses. But they're not the only ones to blame on the corner they shove themselves into - in fact most of it lands on the bride's parents having to ask for a maher (which is what you offer to the bride-to-be as a sort of token that you are serious about your relationship; in Islam this is mandatory) that ranges from 1000 to 45,000 Omani Rials which is roughly between $385 and $17,325 ( $1 US = 0.385 Omani Rials)!

Imagine! And they end up borrowing from a bank just to cover that. Not to mention, some families ask that over that sum of money that the husband-to-be buys the woman the latest car; a house; a housemaid and a cellphone including a billed line. I might as well bend over..

Everything that we ever cherished in the past has become so damn materiliastic that it makes me puke. Ladies want jewellery, cash, cars, houseboys, and men are no better - mobiles, laptops, plasma TVs, cars that you can drive with just by a remote control attached to your keychain.

What ever happened to integrity? To honesty? Whatever happened to the voice of reason that would push this community?

Whatever happened to 'love will save the day'?

I Only Adore Thee

He opened his eyes to her sight. He looked upon her with brightness and delight. Cracked smile. Tears in the windows of his eyes. Truth to share. The one within his heart.

Am I dreaming?
Or is this real?

If I am dreaming
Then let me not awake
If I am awake
Let me never go to sleep

His hand in hers. Tears water-falling the cheeks. A grip of love. ‘Don’t go my dear’.

If I knew that having an accident was the only way to get your attention
Then I would have done it a long ago
What difference does it make now?
I am here because I was guided by your glow

A smile. A smile so beautiful. So out of this world. Was she smiling at him? Or for him? Who knows? Who even cared at this point? The important thing is that they were together in such a long time.

I missed you so
How I was lonely without you, you might never know
I would check the winter’s breeze to hear your name
The centre of my disease; as if to your hearts please and love to gain

The night that passes upon me
The coldness of which haunts me
The idea of having to live without you
Is a thorn in my throat; a spear in my heart; for I only adore thee

Must Love Dogs

This movie isn't out yet. But I had the chance to buy the DVD for it in Malaysia and took that chance.

Its a great romance with a lot of sense put into it. And relies - perhaps - on the success of its predeccessor Serendipity.

Its basically about two people who end up at the beginning of the movie with either a broken down marriage or having someone died with a bad eternal illness. And it picks up when they both sign up for this electronic dating service over the web. And from their the story takes them two on a wild ride of how each other feels and how they deny themselves the pleasure only to quench it on a few drops of passion.

The movie draws the appeal of either gender to each other showing that there is life after death - death of a long lost passion, that is.

I highly recommend this movie even for men because it would make them think twice on how to deal with their relationships to their wives; girlfriends or partners.

You can find out more about the movie here.

To every proud Omani

You may or may have not have heard or read about this site. But nonetheless, it doesn't mean that you shouldn't be aware of the fact is that the person behind it is out to seek revenge to compromise for his 'bad experience' of his stay in the Sulatanate.

The website is basically a big dramatic thing of blown proportion. And to tell you the truth the two parties involved are both equal to share the guilt of the situation.

It is discouraging though, that our authorities are doing nothing to respond to the matter in hand. Not even the OmanTel 'Net hotline desk (wow - that's a long name). And them leaving it to the person who's reading the website leaves an open chance for more and more people to believe in the story - and seriously folks, even I don't know where I stand from this ludacris site. But I'll tell you one thing for sure: I feel obligated to open a counter attak against these people behind the website.

You would too, if you were a proud Omani such as I..

This is where it has gotten to..

Yup..

This is where I stand now..

I had mentioned earlier to my parents (before blogging this post on the 'net) that I don't wanna hear one more word about this person or that getting engaged; married or even anything remotely related to the subject of relationships because I am sick and tired of people getting together when my ship is in standstill.

Selfish? Maybe. But why is it that everyone else is having all the fun and prosperity, while, me, the one who's actually trying to get out of the vicious cycle can't budge a move? Don't get me wrong. I wish them all the best. But it just makes me so damn depressed that with every shot success I try to gain in my practical life and I pulled down by the depressing factor that I am still alone in this world with no one by my side.

I used to think that God was doing this on purpose to me because I had done so many sins in my past and that I was being punished for it. But a lot of people have been telling me otherwise. That it's at those specific times that God was actually testing my patience and how I reacted towards various plights which were mostly health related.

I had ran into a friend of mine I hadn't seen for a very long time that day and I saw him with his wife/fiance and after exchanging greetings the first thing he said was "You're still alone?", and I felt like a ton of bricks coming down on me.

I am seriously trying to pull myself together career wise following my health and otherwise. But with my head stuck in the sand I hardly think that one day I will be married. It just seem possible now that I have reached this age.

Looks like I was right when I predicted that I would live all alone into the future..

13

Thirteen is no longer considered a bad omen ..

After all, there are 13 months in a year (if you can't the month you go off on a honey moon); 13 February also comes before the 14th of that month which we all know and recognize (apart from Kuwait and KSA) as Valentine's Day; 13 is the number of mobile phones that I am aim to change from now until I am 40 years old - lol; and 13, ladies and gents of the cyber audience, happens to be the Himoglobene level of my blood today when I went for my hospital check up..

To every action there is an exact oppisite re-action..

I stand here today because I went through all the shit that I have been through and I survived, that's what I count as an achievement. Not my academic score; or my poetry; nor the number of years that I have lived on this planet. It sort of makes you feel stronger and more powerful knowing that if you pursue excellence it will turn into a habit in all strands of life..

And this is just the beginning..

every single day

Tell me you don’t need me
Tell me you don’t care
Tell me you don’t want me
That its your mind you will never change

Earth to earth
Dust to dust
Spare the illogical feelings
And the mistrust

Feeling what I feel for you
The pain I go through
Every time
I ever get to see you

I drown myself into loneliness
The darkness that pulls me within
The hope for true eternal happiness
The change that must come from within

Hopes are shattered by broken promises
Dreams we portray for ourselves
I only to choose to dream about you
Every single day

Nothing else matters

So tomorrow I have a check up appointment at the hospital and it's been about 3 -4 weeks since my last one. Hopefully, everything will be alright. Can't risk anything going wrong now because I had already applied for a part time job somewhere only yesterday and I am awaiting their reply.

The focus right now is to get a job and keep my health above the survival line.

Nothing else matters.

Except for one.

Women

All women are unqiue in their own way - and men, most of them anyway, look at women from the superficial point of view; beauty, how tall, her eyes; face - etc. But the way i see it is that there is more to it...a woman is a human being like man by any standard and to that there lies a responsiblity to respect her through mind and passion. Therefore, it would be pathetic to say that a man loves a woman for something that is on the outside denying the true soul behind his very love of his life..

‘Trapped inside my bedroom walls
In my mind, do I fall
Listen to me. Hear my call.

Emotions overcast my choice
Bitterness waddles through but hope holds up with a strong voice
I sometimes find myself a victim dying without noise

This polluted world of gloom
Spares no one’s soul not even mine
Rivers do I cross
Mountains do I climb
Just to show you
That you are my choice in this rachis life’

picking the pieces

Before I prove myself to the world and the people who surround me & care enough to love me I should be concentrating on one fundamental task: to prove myself to me

I could continue forever on the dwellings that I have in mind. Lack of higher education; health obstacles; and better emotional stability. But let’s face it; nothing from nothing equals nothing. I’ll bet even Newton had a hard time proving that when the damn apple hit his head

I can’t certainly guarantee myself that I would make a turnaround of 180 degrees within the overnight of today and tomorrow; but I can sure try to start by acting on it and changing what I can and doing the best with the least that I have at hand

Smart words – eh?

Only Time..

"If you knew that you were going to go this way then why are you taking it?"

"I wish I could explain".

"Are you as thick as you seem?"

"There's no need to go that way".

I was at the crossroads of insanity and realism. The path that I should take is no longer as clear as it should be to me. Things seemed at a blur. The hand of God has it's own way of playing with people's destinies. I wish I could move on. I wish I could just stand up and make something out of myself. But my soul is dazed. Blurry vision in sour distaste. The power to remember what I should do, I have forgotten; instructions misplaced.

"You don't need instructions to turn this thing around"
"What you need to do is stop feeling sorry for yourself"
"Get your feet on the ground"
"Stand up and be proud"

"I wish I could"
"I really do"
"But things are never as easy"
"As they may seem"

Its true. People in predicaments often think that their problems are the worst in the world even in comparison with other serious dwellings of the world's population.

Turn around to see. The truth that lies in front of me. No one's going to lend a helping hand. Unless I do it myself. Because I know by then that I am trying to do something about it. Something wise, truthful and right. The journey to where the sun should rise.

Living life is not as easy we wish it was. We were put onto this Earth without reading the fine print. Man's greatest tragedy is not his body but his mind.

Turning point of my life?
Who knows?
Perhaps - only time..