This is where it has gotten to..

Yup..

This is where I stand now..

I had mentioned earlier to my parents (before blogging this post on the 'net) that I don't wanna hear one more word about this person or that getting engaged; married or even anything remotely related to the subject of relationships because I am sick and tired of people getting together when my ship is in standstill.

Selfish? Maybe. But why is it that everyone else is having all the fun and prosperity, while, me, the one who's actually trying to get out of the vicious cycle can't budge a move? Don't get me wrong. I wish them all the best. But it just makes me so damn depressed that with every shot success I try to gain in my practical life and I pulled down by the depressing factor that I am still alone in this world with no one by my side.

I used to think that God was doing this on purpose to me because I had done so many sins in my past and that I was being punished for it. But a lot of people have been telling me otherwise. That it's at those specific times that God was actually testing my patience and how I reacted towards various plights which were mostly health related.

I had ran into a friend of mine I hadn't seen for a very long time that day and I saw him with his wife/fiance and after exchanging greetings the first thing he said was "You're still alone?", and I felt like a ton of bricks coming down on me.

I am seriously trying to pull myself together career wise following my health and otherwise. But with my head stuck in the sand I hardly think that one day I will be married. It just seem possible now that I have reached this age.

Looks like I was right when I predicted that I would live all alone into the future..