Saturday, March 24, 2007

the antognizing warfare between heart & mind

There is a matter with me that I have yet to face its demons soon enough.

The matter of me putting my mind in control instead of my emotions because the truth is that whenever there is a choice to be made and my emotions take control over it, it turns out to be painstakingly horrible in the end.

The chances of my mind taking the decision there and then are closer of that of a polka dot cow with a pair of gliding goggles and a parachute bungey jumping over the moon from Mount Olympus in the US and being seen by the naked eye from the Great Wall of China.

A small curnea in the morning and a grandi English breakfast tea wouldn't do harm in waking me up, though. And that is why I think so much over these things.

It's no longer the matter of having what I want in life - even though those things are crucial to me at this point in time, but there are also matters in hand that need to be handled.

Like, for instance, when I get into the new insurance course, I will have said bye bye for at least 3 years of my life during the morning time. The other half will be dedicated to getting a part time job as a columnist, which is looking promising. But I'm not going to ruin that surprise. There is also the matter of me still blogging everyday on the various blogs that I participate on. Although those have quited down a bit currently. But, hopefully, during the 'peak season' there will be a distraction needed and these will account as a good harness for the creative soul within me.

And, finally, there are two projects, one of which you already know about, the other you don't. But both of which will take a very long time until they come to reality. But once they do, you'll all be facinated, I'm very much assure.

So, again, does this mean that I should let my mind control my emotions or vice versa. Because most of these things that I had mentioned are all within the first category. It's like pretty much asking if life leads fate, or does fate lead life? A choice predestined or otherwise?

Much of the philosophy in my brain tangles me within again and again.

But the one thing I do know is that I will never find true love in the sense that I had been through many ordeals and too much hurt in the past, that everytime I try to push it away, I want to go back again.

Just a chance to feel the warmth to be all over cold again.

I wish that person who invented television never did. He's made the likes of me miserable with all those romantic dramas and music videos.

Time is a choice for all of us; the less we take advantage of it, the more we lose out.

How ironic.

2 comments:

alex said...

SIM,

"But the one thing I do know is that I will never find true love in the sense that I had been through many ordeals and too much hurt in the past, that everytime I try to push it away, I want to go back again."

Probably you need to go back again.

Sleepless In Muscat said...

And how do you propose that?