Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Wrong but right

Pistachios are not my thing. And neither is dried apricot juice. Never in my entire lifetime have I ever liked those two eatables.

But I never ever liked to be alone or to have my life full of psychological problems that least of all me would be dealing with, either. At the beginning of my life I had no physical problems whatsoever. Never fell in love. Never cheated. Never even smoked or take drugs. Later on, I started getting this weird disease that had suddenly manifested into my body and taken a toll on me and my entire life in all aspects; social; physical; emotional; working career, too.

Now it's been 8 years and I still have that problem. But I have gotten accustomed to it. But I face another problem. I face the world in front of me. Asking me what is that I can give?

And I also found myself wondering endless times. When is it when I will finally be able to walk down a long road? Hand in hand with the one I am supposed to spend my lifetime with? The one who will understand me, and help me become a better man in my entirety? I became so obsessed with the idea that it grew onto me. I started convincing myself, that my life without a woman - and not just any woman - by my side, isn't a life at all. And believe me when I say, that I still believe that.

But later on in my life - like now - I am beginning to get more and more convinced by the idea that sulking down on the who, what, when, why, and where will lead to no-where and fast. I began to become lately convinced, too, that if I have my head down all the time being depressed and all, then not only would I become mentally unstable but I would also pass out on the many chances that would come my way. No matter how small they would be.

So here's a pledge from me to God.

Inshallah, from now on, I will be a better man, looking (mostly) at the positive side of life. Changing what could turn out wrong to become right.

2 comments:

One Nine Seven One said...

I went through a period of serious clinical depression once for an extended period of time, and it was horrible. Even when I recovered .. for a while I would have relapses. Sometimes life can be too much but the only way I pulled through it was having faith in God that he can pull me through it AND a faith in myself. That meant I HAD to look at life more positively or else it would kill me.

The thing is with you.. you have a gift when you get depressed, you come up with all this kewl things on your blog. You get creative. So whether you are depressed or happy, its a win win situation ;)

Sleepless In Muscat said...

nomaadic: i never knew that you went through such a period. I am sorry to hear that.

And you think that I get seriously creative when I get depressed? Hmmm..

Thanks for the words of inspiration..

Jawaher: "i miss being single"???

no wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...at least I hope not.. ;oP

but inshallah i will be a strong man..both physically and mentally. I just need to focus on the right track. Eat more pizzas and such .. ;oD