the time

There isn't much to be said really when you think of the world that we live in, is there? You can barely just glimpse at something happening in front of your eyes just to forget about it in the next second. And when your memory is recalled upon that moment it's either despair or pure fondness that you sense.

Like that moment in time when I was very young - some might say that I am just making this up but I am not - when we were back in our old flat in Oman, and this stranger comes by says to me that he has a flock of pigeons he wants to show me. I told him that I would have to ask my parents permission to go with him first but he says he's already asked their permission and that they agreed to it.

Naturally, being the naive person I was then, I fell for the bait. I followed him all the way up and along the flight of stairs, my mother pops out from the flat doors and asks whose that guy and what am I doing roaming with him. It seems he panicked and ran away and she pulled me into the flat giving me a well deserved yell.

Thats what you get for being naive.

Unfortunately for me, I still am.

I've been told many a times that being really nice and sweet is cute and all but it really gets on people's nerves a lot of the time. Maybe that's why I only have a handful of friends.

Robbin Williams used to make a lot of strange voices when he was young because he had the same problem. Was that also because he was a very nice person?

You grow up on certain expectations, certain vision, certain horizon that in the end you think you will reach it one day and you have you all that spirit within you pushing you there but you topple - you say it's ok - you move on. You trip - you still scurry along. Yet, when you hit a great big mounted wall and you're not able to climb over it nor are you able to dig under it.

Would that then mean that it's not your time, yet?

I've given up to the fact that destiny is only in God's hands and that I am only here to make the choices and understand why I made them. Therefore, that would mean giving up on the hope of ever reconciling with another half of me.

Tobey Maguire in Spiderman 2 once said 'Am I not meant to have a life of my own?'