Friday - the last Friday

Normally, on a day like this, I would be all smiles.

But, today was different.

Today, I stepped into the mosque with my entire body begging me to cry.

Just: cry.

Cry for forgiveness? Cry for repent? Cry out of happiness?

No.

Cry for help from God.

Cry to help me get rid of my bad aching head that's just been thinking and thinking to rise up to the occasion.

As I stood to pray, I stood with anticipation just wanting someone to pat me on the back. Just to let go of all my feelings.

True I was in a mosque and that I should be focusing on the Imam's words more than anything else. But I couldn't help myself. Everywhere I see and look is a question mark to me. A book with blank pages. A dried up pen.

I knelt down everytime to put my head in respect of God and asked that He would just wipe away my heart from all grudges. From the heaviness that it holds within my chest. From the unhealthy being that I am and have been all these past hours.

Prayers had been done and finished with.

Yet.

I lay still. Feeling that I wanted to stay behind to ask again for a solution for my solitude in life. To ask that I would see a smile one day that would make my day and take all my problems away. To ask that I could push forward with the help of my beating heart; my lively soul, and the logic that my mind has been gifted with as has been the rest of human kind.

Today; I shed a tear.