Maybe this is the feeling that I am feeling: the feeling of being actually 'alive'.
After all these years, I am actually living a life. Something that I can enjoy everyday. There is just no stopping this wonderful feeling inside of me. Apart from the times that I feel completely bored with my time now since I am unable to resume any type of typical 9-5 routine work because my health situation would just backfire on me again.
So what's the solution? And this is something that I have been giving serious consideration ever since I got out of hospital: my own private business. Up until now this is all still a standpoint idea that needs to be developed from the actual project idea up to the business development plan. But I am surrendering to the idea for two reasons; one it being the only logical solution that would allow me to live profitably in my life and secondly; it would allow me to be my own boss, the hours I can fix to my own ability and needs that would meet the market's in the businesses' field.
This is the decision that I will stand on from now on and I feel it is the most suitable for me in my case.
I feel so lucky that I am alive to have finally found a reason to be alive: just to live life and be .. happy.
Sure, you can't have everything in life. I'm unable to get attached to anyone because of several reasons and I am happy for that, because it would allow me to reach into myself and understand myself more to be more knowledgeable about life's needs should the time come for me. If it doesn't, then it doesn't because it's just not written for me. One should be content with what God has written for them in this life - good or bad. After all, there is a reason to everything, whether we know it or not.
You may think I am being hypocritical. But honestly I'm not.
Hypocrisy would be like all the people who always ask me why I keep going to a certain American coffee shop here in Muscat although they have heard that it shows and provides financial support towards the Israeli army. I ask those; where is your proof? The owner of the chain here in Oman has vowed that should it come to that he would disown the whole franchise in the Middle East, not to mention that a statement was provided on the world wide web about the whole issue that tackled it. And even though it was true, what would your position be if you knew the government is setting on setting up trade ties with it's 'Israeli' counterpart (again) ?
Anyhow, that's a whole side issue in this post.
I am hoping to start fasting very soon after a long time after working out a certain schedule to take my heavy medication, I am hoping that it would work out - no promises, though.
I am thankful that God has given this opportunity to take and be truly happy. To actually feel loved. To feel like the whole world is out there with open arms with a big giant smile.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Posted by Sleepless In Muscat at 00:59