The Hated Feeling

There's a part I read last night in Mfateeh Al Jinan that says the best thing to do when someone is feeling heavy on the chest from thinking bad thoughts -whatever they may be - to say a few times To God I submit my willing (loosely translated).

And God knows that I need to do that now.

Today while watching a few DVDs, I had a bad thought that I was imagining myself going out into the parking lot with a baseball bat in my hand and the rage of the world in my mind, and a destructive passion to just destroy everything around me. And I was just walloping away at my car time after time. I was actually feeling the anguish and pain behind it. I don't know what summoned such a thought in my mind.

But that's just one of the thoughts that lingers in my brain when I am left alone like that.

You might think I am crazy or nuts or would rather call up the nearest nut house near me if you know me but this is the first time this has happened ever since my 'mystery' happy mood has gulped me up.

I hate feeling like this..