open letter to the Creator

Hope is such a rare commodity that I am holding onto because of frailty that everytime I think I have lost it I ask that I can just hold on some more because I know one day everything can change if only I stay strong enough.

I visualize it as if I am in a hospital bed and I am having all this pain and the only thing that would bring it down is a quick stick of that needles in my veins. But that drug only gives away the feeling of false hope, something that only lasts for a minutes; hours at the best and I awake, sober, to the pain all over again.

I don't want the needle, but I don't want the pain either.

So what do I do?

Hold onto that hope for my dear life until God - Himself - decides it is my time to start loosening it up a bit on my side so I can start to live my life.

I know that I have to go through the lows before I can taste the highs. I know I have to be 'poor' now so that I can appreciate the value of money in money and not go squander it away on needless purchases here and there. I realize that I have to be sick now so that I can ask for help from nobody except from the Almighty because He alone will aid me in this difficult time, and without Him my medicine would not work nor would I be able to have the 'life' that I am able to see now before my eyes.

But what I do not understand is why do I have live it alone.

Why, dear God?

Why?