A Never Ending Quest

Yesterday night, after I had posted that really depressing post of mine on the blog and read NaBhAn's wonderful comment, I went off to dump all my depression on an old favorite movie of mine; The Moulin Rouge.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Freaky. Guy? Moulin Rouge? What gives?

I was seriously depressed because I had felt like I had gotten to a point of not getting anywhere and considered all options in front of me. And pulling out of the blog world - at that time - seemed like the only rational thing to do.

I have never felt so empty in my life. Never felt so alone.

And as I came back today, I saw my sister today with my neice (who is only 6 weeks old by the way), and I asked to hold her once and she agreed. And I am telling you, I don't know what came over me, I started singing to the kid and she was soon fast asleep. It's the first time that's ever happened with me. And my sisters were all like 'wowsers' - sort of. You know what I mean.

I felt really happy. Blessed, even.

I am trying as much as I can to live my life right now by trying to bring out my heart from the equation to balance it. In matter of speaking, I am trying to live compassionately, and not passionately. By mind and not impulse.

It's tough. And hard. But I am by no means a shallow person. I think deeply into things. And too often do I take hastey decisions that drive me to the wrong end. And I end up regretting it.

I realize that God has made every human being in this world we live in imperfect. But I find that in me there is more imperfection than all of the human kind which is why I demeane myself most of the time saying that I am not worthy of this or that.

I am a man driven by his hunger for passion
Unlike the many people of this world
To feel my heart beating
Isn't just what I need
Instead I must find my red rose